GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS! "Tips, Techniques...and Tasks" - a weekly newsletter designed to support you in getting IN GEAR to create the life you want today.

Issue #130 <<THE 8-A SYSTEM for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM>>

September 13, 2002

brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC. Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with passion and purpose!

In this Issue:

1. Welcome!

2. Weekly Article: <<The 8-A System for Building Self Esteem>>

3. Recommended Tasks

4. Upcoming local Workshops

5. Subscription information

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1. WELCOME

Welcome to <GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS> and welcome to all my new subscribers! I really appreciate your forwarding

my newsletter to all your friends and colleagues. Your recommendations help me grow and develop as a coach and trainer. Anyone can subscribe by going to my website www.ingearcoaching.com or simply email your subscription request to laurie@ingearcoaching.com. Thank you so much for your support!

2. Weekly ARTICLE: BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8-A SYSTEM

What is self esteem? The official definition of the California Task Force to Promote Self Esteem and Personal & Social Responsibility defines it as <appreciating my own worth and importance and having the character to be accountable for myself and to act responsibly toward others>. Do you appreciate your own worth? are you accountable for all your behaviors? do you act responsibly...and respectfully..towards others?

Can we continue to build our self esteem as we grow older? YES! Is our self esteem ever finally settled? NO!

The process of building self esteem goes this way: a new reflection, a new experience...leads to a new success or failure which, in turn, leads to a new or revised statement/image of the self. In this fashion each person's self concept usually evolves throughout his/her lifetime. Dorothy Briggs

A commitment to awareness - the will to understand - is the central pillar of positive self esteem..it entails the behavior of seeking to integrate, to the best of our knowledge and abiltity, that which enters our mental field, as well as the effort to keep expanding that field. Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. Gloria Steinem, Revolution from Within.

Our true personal growth begins age 40. Carl Jung, psychologist

With all these comments in mind, I have developed a system for people to continue to build their positive self esteem now and for the rest of their lifetime. Here is an overview of the 8 A's of Building Self Esteem

(subsequent issues of GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS will focus more in depth on each 8-A Action; this is also a book in process)

(**note: for a visual representation of the 8-A model, email me: laurie@ingearcoaching.com) The 8-A ACTIONS for BUILDING SELF ESTEEM

*And, use these 3 A's with each of the 8-As: be ACCOUNTABLE and ACCELERATE your growth by taking ACTION!

A-1: ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance means accepting ourselves, accepting who we are. Knowing our strengths as well as our weaknesses is an important aspect of building our positive self esteem. Accepting means knowing I am O.K just as I am; knowing IALAC* = I am lovable and capable; knowing I don't need to DO anything to be worthwhile, that I can just BE. Accepting means knowing that we are all born with one unit of worth which never changes, thus we are all equal AND we are also totally unique from anyone else in the universe. (Each of us is one in 1,000,000,000,000).

Action Steps: Reflect on/Meditate on the specialness of YOU...Find times to just BE....Accept yourself for whom you are.

A-2: ACKNOWLEDGMENT

We need to ACKNOWLEDGE OURSELVES in order to build our self esteem: we need to acknowledge our actions, our positive behaviors, our courage and our caring. Do you acknowledge yourself whenever you do or say something admirable/constructive/positive ? How often do you take a moment to pat yourself on the back for a job well done or for a kind action or for an act of courage?

We also need to ASK for acknowledgment: tell others how we like to be acknowledged. Do you like to have a hug or do you want verbal or written acknowledgment? do you want public or private acknowledgment?

And, when you are acknowledged, remember to simply say thank you - just listen and take it in.

Do you TELL others of your positive actions? Others may not notice. Overcome that message from childhood that tells you not to "brag" or have a "swelled head." It's good to tell others of your worth so that they notice it. Of course you need to notice it in yourself first.

Others see you the way you see yourself, so if you see yourself as a worthwhile person, others will also perceive you that way.

And remember to ACKNOWLEDGE OTHERS. Give positive feedback such as telling people what you appreciate, send notes, give pats on the back or hugs. How often do you acknowledge others? My clients often report that being acknowledged by me for their actions is the only time they get acknowledged! The basic premise from the The One Minute Manager books by Ken Blanchard is to catch someone being good...and tell them! According to him, the ratio of compliments to criticisms in life should be 4:1, yet for most of us this ratio is the reverse: we get 4 criticisms for every 1 compliment! and we've even learned to accept that! Accept it no longer! Change your feedback ratios for good!

Action Steps: Keep a daily list of actions that build your self esteem and acknowledge yourself for taking those actions. Tell others about your positive actions - Brag a little! ASK for acknowledgment and GIVE lots of acknowledgment.

A-3: ACHIEVEMENTS

The more we set goals and achieve them, the better we feel about ourselves. Self esteem is built over the years through our continued achievements: this is the DOING aspect of self esteem building. Achievements give us tangible and concrete proof of our successes...and (learning from) our failures. Our achievements are visible to others also, so we are more likely to be acknowledged for our achievements. Many of us take our achievements for granted and thus an opportunity is missed to build our self esteem. Notice your achievements. Remember past achievements. Ask others to help you notice and remember your achievements. Learn to take responsible risks to help you be more successful with your achievements.

Action Steps: List 100 Achievements throughout your lifetime: what were your achievements as a child? as an adolescent? as a young adult? as a parent? as a professional? as a ???. - and continue to add to this list.

A-4: AFFILIATIONS

Affiliations are our connections and relationships with others. Connections bring us happiness and health and high self esteem. Numerous studies prove that relationships with our significant others reduce the risk of death as well as increase health! We survive and thrive with our affiliations, so we need to appreciate and nurture our relationships and continually build new ones.

Action Steps: Increase your affiliation bank: make a list of 100 people you know. Contact people with whom you have lost touch, call someone you haven't talked to lately, make a date with a friend today, network to make new connections to create new affiliations.

A-5:. ATTRACTION

Attraction is a way of life; it is our modus operandi. We are always attracting things and people into our life, so why not be conscious of what/whom we are attracting and be purposeful about it. Let's learn to attract what/whom we want into our life and stop attracting what we don't want. We are attractive when we are whole and present so that we effortlessly draw into our life what we want. Attraction is more than physical appearance, although how we look is part of our attractiveness. Being attractive involves being physically healthy, being confident, being present, being sensitive and supportive, being honest, and much more.

There are 28 Principles of Attraction, according to Thomas Leonard, author of The Portable Coach. www.attractionu also teaches the principles of attraction. We first need to become attractive to ourselves by working on our personal foundation (see www.coachu.com to take a teleclass on building your personal foundation) before we can become attractive to others.

Action Steps: Practice Attraction Principle #1: Become Selfish: you must satisfy your needs and wants before you can give to others. Fill up yourself in order to reach your potential, become fulfilled, find your passion; this is extremely attractive.

A-6: ATTITUDE

Attitude is everything, they say; we are in charge of our attitudes. Our attitude about ourself is the cornerstone of our self esteem. We need to be aware of our attitude..is it positive or negative? How strong is your inner critic? We need to learn ways to argue with our inner, negative self-talk, often called our vulture or gremlin, and then we need to find ways to reduce or eliminate this inner critic. Most of us need an attitude readjustment in order to build our self esteem!

Remember No one can make you inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

There are many techniques and methods to help you make shifts or even breakthroughs in your thinking. The good news is that you can change your attitude to better serve you; the bad news is that it is not easy; it takes time and hard work.

Action Steps: Keep track of all your negative self talk during the day in order to become more aware of all the negative messages you give yourself. Then ARGUE with these negative statements! Replace them with positive statements such as Affirmations.

A-7: AFFIRMATIONS

Affirmations are strong, positive statements that are said as if they are already true about you. The theory is that by stating these affirmations, eg. I am a dynamic and interesting speaker,

we see ourselves AS IF the statement is true and thus create a gap that we are naturally drawn to close. We become what we believe. There are specific guidelines on how to write, verbalize, and integrate affirmations into our lives; it is a technique that can be learned. Using visualizations along with Affirmations can add even more power to the statements.

Action Steps: Write three affirmations and repeat them 20 times each per day; read Shakti Gawain's book, Creative Visualization, to learn how to integrate affirmations and visualizations into your life.

A-8: ASSERTIVENESS

Assertiveness means getting your needs met while respecting the rights of others as well as respecting yourself. Assertiveness is first an attitude based upon your belief that you have the right to get your needs met. Then there are specific techniques/skills that can be learned to help you set boundaries and standards to be assertive.

Action Steps: Take an Assertiveness Training Seminar at a local community college or on a teleclass (www.teleclass.com) or read Be Your Best, by Linda Adams.

A++ AUTHETIC

To be AUTHENTIC = genuine, veritable, bona fide, being actually and precisely what is claimed; not imaginary or false . Webster's Dictionary

When I'm being authentic I feel confident, focused, present, energized, creative, loving, happy, joyful. Finding and expressing my authentic self is crucial to achieving my high self esteem. Living my twhole Self is the only way to be truly happy and at peace with my Self. When I am authentic I am congruent with my feelings and thoughts and behaviors; when I am authentic I express my honestly and freely; when I am authentic I have the best chance to reach my potential, connect with my passions, create my perfect life, become fulfilled and self actualized.

There are many ways to learn to be authentic; it is a lifelong process but well worth the effort.

Action Steps: Take assessment tools (Myer-Briggs Type Indicator, DISC, self esteem profile, risk assessment..and more found at www.ingearcoaching.com) to determine your current level of authenticity.

(copyright - all rights reserved - Laurie R. Geary, 2002)

3. Recommended TASKS

1. Call me for a complimentary half-hour coaching session to support you in taking any one of the

8-A actions to build your self esteem. Call me at 617-494-1422 or email laurie@ingearcoaching.com

2. Read one or more of my favorite books on Self Esteem

SELF ESTEEM: A PROVEN PROGRAM of COGNITIVE TECHNIQUES for ASSESSION, IMPROVING and MAINTAINING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM, by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0312904436/gearupforsuccela

WOMEN & SELF ESTEEM: UNDERSTANDING & IMPROVING the WAY WE THING and FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES, by Linda Sanford and Mary Ellen Donovan.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0140052255/gearupforsuccela

The SIX PILLARS of SELF ESTEEM, by Nathaniel Branden

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0553095293/gearupforsuccela

EMPOWERMENT TAKES MORE THAN A MINUTE, by Ken Blanchard

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/1576750337/gearupforsuccela

TAMING YOUR GREMLIN by Richard Carson

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0060961023/gearupforsuccela

SELF ESTEEM and PEAK PERFORMANCE, by Jack Canfield (audiocassette)

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/1559770295/gearupforsuccela

HEART AT WORK: STORIES and STRATEGIES for BUILDING SELF ESTEEM,

by Jack Canfield and Jacqueline Miller

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0070116431/gearupforsuccela

BE YOUR BEST, by Linda Adams

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/087223553X/gearupforsuccela

CREATIVE VISUALIZATION, by Shakti Gawain

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0931432022/gearupforsuccela

THE PORTABLE COACH, by Thomas Leonard

go to www.thomasleanard.com

IALAC: I AM LOVABLE AND CAPABLE, by Sid Simon

and, by Laurie Geary:

*RISK TO GROW! CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT through RESPONSIBLE RISK-TAKING:

a collection of articles, top tens, models, poems & quotes, and exercises

*RISK-TAKING and BUILDING SELF ESTEEM -my chapter in the book <A GUIDE TO GETTING IT: SELF ESTEEM. Ideas and Tools from 12 Life and Business Coaches to Help You Live Your Life's Dreams> edited by Marilyn Schwader

*GAMES & INITIATIVES for NETWORKING, ENERGIZING & TEAM-BUILDING...and just plain FUN! a booklet,

which includes over 75 experiential activities for trainers, learned from my years of working as an instructor for Outward Bound Professional Development Programs.

**To order any of my books, email me (laurie@ingearcoaching.com) or go to my website (www.ingearcoaching.com)**

4. UPCOMING Local WORKSHOPS:

BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the AWESOME 8-A SYTEM

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 (9-3pm)

North Shore Community College, Beverly, MA

RISK TO GROW: Using the 8 R's of Remarkable Risk-Taking

Wednesday, October 9, 2002 (9-3pm)

North Shore Community College, Beverly,MA

COME & PLAY: Games for Learning, Energizing, Networking...and Fun!

Rancho la Puerta Spa - Tecate, Mexico

(November 2 - 9, 2002)

CAREER OUTPLACEMENT Workshops for the recently unemployed...

I have recently become a consultant for the well-known outplacement agency Lee Hecht Harrison. As a consultant/trainer, I lead two-day seminars on Career Transition Search (CTS) which includes self assessments, setting a professional objective, creating a personal marketing plan, developing a resume, networking and other job search methods, interviewing and negotiating skills, and much, much more.

I have become an experienced, knowledgeable career coach!

Anyone who finds themselves needing to transition into a new job or who wants to build a new business should contact me for a complimentary career assessment coaching session!

5. SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION

Please forward your copy of this newsletter to anyone you think might enjoy reading it. I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact... nothing changed, added or deleted,including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thank you!

For back-issues of my weekly newsletter broadcast, go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com

To subscribe or un-subscribe go to www.ingearcoaching.com/newsletter