Issue #4 - October 1, 1999
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brought to you by Laurie Geary, Coaching you to get your life in gear by making shifts, finding balance and realignment, accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: the life you want.
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The theme this month has been on CONFLICT - ways to help you manage and reduce conflict in your life. Conflict is inevitable and unavoidable, so let's be proactive by practicing effective techniques to create constructive conflict resolution!
So often ANGER can get in the way of using effective conflict resolution skills. Therefore finding ways to reduce anger, in ourselves and others, can be very helpful.
 

PRINCIPLES of ANGER MANAGEMENT and REDUCTION:

1. Develop a FEELINGS VOCABULARY: be able to identify, then voice, your
        feelings about the conflict issue. Use I-messages.
        Be able to hear the other's feelings. Use Active Listening.

2. Identify ANGER CUES: What signs do you exhibit when you are angry?
        How do you know when you are angry? How can you tell when the
        other is angry? (verbal and non-verbal cues).

3. Identify ANGER TRIGGERS: What triggers you to become angry? What
        triggers the other? Learn ways to avoid these triggers.

4. Identify how you make others angry... and stop doing it!
 

5. Learn ANGER REDUCTION techniques:
        *Take a "time-out" - come back later to discuss the issue
        *Do somethng temporarily distracting (read, play a game, go to a
                movie) and later return to deal with the conflict.
        *Do exercise or relaxation(yoga, meditation)to physiologically reduce
                the effects of anger
        * Listen to music
        *Count to 10 - still a very effective technique!
        *Timing: intervene early before anger gets "out-of-control."
        *Discharge your anger: talk it over with someone else, write it down,
                take lots of deep breaths.
        *Challenge your thoughts: there's always another way of looking at the
                situation; reframe; avoid catastrophizing
        *Don't get hung up on being Right!
        *Listen - listen - listen to the other's point of view;empathize
        *Use Assertiveness Skills: get your needs met while respecting the
                other's needs.
        *Self-evaluate (how well did I reduce my/their anger..what will I do
                next time?)
        *Reward positive behavior - in yourself and in the other..Celebrate
                the constructive resolution of your conflict through your effective
                anger reduction techniques.
        *Remember the Anger Iceburg! - Identify the primary feelings under your
                 anger (eg. embarrassment, fear, hurt..)
 

TAREA:
1. Use these anger reduction techniques next time you are in a conflict situation
2. Read=Anger: The Misunderstoond Emotion, by Gail Tavris
          The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner
3. Write in your journal: What are my anger triggers? cues? How do I make
        others angry? What will I do next time I am angry?
4. Work with a coach to help you manage and resolve your chronic conflicts!
  Call me for a complimentary 1/2 hour coaching session (617-494-1422)
 

I hope you enjoyed this issue; I would love to hear your feedback on this and subsequent issues.
Please feel free to forward your copy of this email to anyone you think might enjoy reading it. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thank you
sincerely,

Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed. Professional Certified Coach.
"Get Your Life In Gear for Success with Me as your Coach!"
 
 

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Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
Professional  Certified Coach

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