Gear up for Success!
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Issue #31 - May 5, 2000 <<ACCEPTANCE>>
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Brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed. PCC. Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with passion and purpose.
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Each week I have been elaborating on my 8-A System for building your
self esteem. <For the issue describing the whole system, as well as
back issues describing each <A>, go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com>
This week's newsletter deals with ACCEPTANCE = A#1 for Building
Self Esteem.
Table of Contents:
1. Reader Feedback
2. Topic: ACCEPTANCE
= A#1
3. Related BOOKS
& RESOURCES
4. Recommended TASKS
5. TELECLASSES and
Local WORKSHOPS
6. SUBSCRIPTION information
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READER FEEDBACK:
<I wanted to let you know how much I am learning from your self-esteem
program and that I really appreciate you working with me individually.
Every day is bringing a new awareness.
Thank you> - a client
<Laurie
Thanks for yet another completely useful and motivating newsletter!
I always get so much out it! Margie>
<I found a good quote about AWARENESS <re:last week's issue> by Nathaniel Brandon who wrote THE SIX PILLARS of SELF ESTEEM: A commitment to awareness - the will to understand - is the central pillar of positive self esteem...it entails the behavior of seeking to integrate, to the best of our knowledge and ability, that which enters our mental field...as well as the effort to keep expanding that field>
<I really appreciate Reader responses; please send in any of your
comments today! Thanks>
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<ACCEPTANCE - A+ Action #1 for Building Your Self Esteem>
Accepting oneself is the
key for building your self esteem....none of the other A's will have any
impact or effect upon you if you don't accept yourself first. Accept
your uniqueness! Do you realize how unique you are? Someone once
calculated that our uniqueness is 10 to the 2,400,000,000 power!
Figure that one out! The dictionary defines identity as <the
condition of being oneself and not another> Our identity is who we are...our
unique state of BEING. Accepting one's identity builds confidence
and positive self esteem. Every person who is born has his or her own identity
and has as much inner worth as any other person; we are all born with one
unit of worth and nothing we do can change that.
Who am I? I am a mother,
a grandmother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a friend, a coach, a trainer,
a teacher, a windsurfer, a dancer, a writer, a student....etc. Am
I my roles? Can I accept all my roles? Do I want to discard some of them?
When I take off all my roles...like taking off hats...who am I? I
want to accept myself without all my <hats> and just BE
ME. What are your roles? which ones do you want to discard?
keep? Who are you without all your roles?
We are human BEINGS not human DOINGS; we are not defined by what we DO but by who we ARE. Accepting that we do not need to DO anything to prove our worth takes awareness..Yet, this message is difficult for many of us to accept; it is a concept I have struggled with over the years.
I always thought that DOING
things was the way to building my self esteem. And I was good at doing
things: I won tennis tournaments, dance contests, sailboat races; I won
awards and certificates; as a workshop/teleclass leader I can give dynamite
presentations/classes. I always thought that my value was in giving
out lots of information and content..and doing things. Yet I am learning
that giving of myself is more valuable to participants....that it is WHO
I am as a leader, not WHAT I give as information, is what people
appreciate most. Information can be found anywhere...in books,
articles, websites..from others...but I AM ME ..and I can be found here
and no one else! This is what I can give; this is how I can make a positive
difference.
Virginia Satir says it best in MY DECLARATION OF SELF ESTEEM (see below)*
I turned 55 this week! Accepting myself as I get older is a challenge as my body and physical appearance change. My self esteem frequently plummets as I see myself losing the standards of youth and beauty that are set by our culture. Those of us who grow out of that youthful mold must develop strong self esteem to know that these cultural standards are superficial and don't bring us happiness. However, it's not just aging that is not accepted in our society..our standards of beauty create unacceptance for all ages. Cultural messages everywhere exhort us to be thinner, taller, blonder, more muscular..more ?....These messages encourage us to achieve a state of perfection that we can never reach. We need to learn that what matters in life is not what we look like on the outside but who we are on the inside..to accept ourselves as being perfect without having to DO anything. How can we do that?
What actions can we take
to learn to accept ourselves? Writing, reflection, meditation, reading,
listening to tapes, taking courses, talking with others, saying affirmations....are
some thoughts. One of the reasons people hire coaches or get into therapy
or go to personal growth workshops is to help them to become more accepting.
What have you done to accept yourself? What other ideas do you have?
However, accepting oneself
is not the same as accepting the status quo...being stagnant and not growing.
We can change things that don't fit our sense of self; we are ever-evolving
beings. In his book EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, Daniel Goleman identifies three
types of people: Quitters, Campers, and Climbers. Quitters give up
on moving forward in life; Campers stop short of growing and stay in their
comfort zone. Climbers continue to grow throughout their lifetime;
they accept themselves and then continue to enhance and develop their identify
...their SELF..
Also, accepting others is
a gift we can give people; I am working on being unconditionally accepting
of my family and friends. And, for my birthday, the greatest gift I can
receive is to be accepted for who I am...to receive unconditional love
and acceptance from my significant others.
What are the ways we can demonstrate our acceptance of the people we
love?
Accepting yourself is the
key to building your self esteem....and you can take action to learn to
accept yourself more and more...throughout your lifetime. Dorothy
Briggs stated <the process of building self esteem goes this way: a
new reflection, a new experience...leads to a new or revised image of the
self. In this fashion each person's self concept evolves throughout his/her
lifetime>
And Virginia Satir: MY DECLARATION OF SELF ESTEEM:
<I am me.
In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it.
I own everything about me...my body, including everything it does, my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be...anger, joy, frustration,love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth, and all the words that come out of it: polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they may be to others or to myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing I can love and be friendly with me in all parts. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests.
I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is me. This is authentic and represents where I am at that moment in time.
When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfitting. I can discard that which is unfitting, and keep that which proved fitting, and invent something new for that which I discarded.
I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore I can engineer me.
I am me and I am okay>.
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Recommended BOOKS & RESOURCES:
<SELF ESTEEM*> by Virginia Satir
<YOUR CHILD'S SELF ESTEEM> by Dorothy Briggs
<THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF ESTEEM> by Nathaniel Brandon
<IALAC: I AM LOVABLE AND CAPABLE> by Sid Simon
<EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE> by Daniel Goleman
<ASSESSMENTS> Contact me if you are interested in taking an
assessment which will help you become more clear of your identity: identifying
your needs, clarifying your values, determining your personal foundation
or level of attraction, or identifying your personality type with the Myers-Briggs
Type Indicator.
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TASKS =
1. AWARENESS EXERCISES:
A. Take ten sheets of paper. Write on the top of each one the words: Who am I? Then write, on each sheet, one answer to that question. At the end of the ten sheets you'll have the same question written, but ten different answers. Now go back over the ten again and looking at each answer, write below it on each sheet what turns you on about that particular answer. Now go back over the ten sheets and arrange them in order of priority;your most important identity goes on top. Finally, go back over the ten sheets and determine what turns you on ....see if there are any common denominators.
B. 8 Role exercise: List all your roles. Now prioritize them. Now get in a relaxed, meditative state and one by one, starting with number 8, focus on each role: what are the costs? what are the benefits? Who are you in this role? Now take eliminate that role..Do this for each role. Finally, after eliminating the final role - Role number one...focus on who you are without all your roles? This is your core...your Being..Who are you, really?
C. IALAC - I AM LOVABLE AND CAPABLE! - Repeat this affirmation
many times a day and night.
<see issue #27 on using affirmations>
2. READ one of the books mentioned above; READ back issues of
my newsletter on the 8 A's of Building Self Esteem....to be found at my
website www.ingearcoacing.com. For a visual model of my <8 A-System
for Building Self Esteem>, email me at laurie@ingearcoaching.com.
3. Take an ASSESSMENT: email me for the assesment of your choice
and to arrange for a complimentary coaching session to interpret it.
4. Call me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to
support you in learning to accept yourself.
Voice: 617-494-1422
Email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com
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TELECLASSES:
4 one-hour private sessions - to be scheduled at your convenience -
Fee: $300
or group sessions for $99.
<LEARN the 8 A'S - A SYSTEM for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM>
<LEARN the 3-STEP MODEL for TAKING RESPONSIBLE RISKS in order to GET UNSTUCK/MAKE BREAKTHROUGHS to CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT>
<RESOLVING CONFLICTS> Learn and practice effective skills
for managing and resolving conflicts in all your relationships..at work
or at home.
For a more detailed description of my teleclasses go to http://www.ingearcoaching.com
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<UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:
BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
Boston Center for Adult Education
Monday, June 12, 2000; 6:30-9:30 p.m.
also Monday, July 24, 2000; 6:30-9:30p.m.
BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM: THE 8 A-SYSTEM
and BUILDING YOUR TEAM - May 17, 2000
*Wellesley Public Library, Wellesley, MA - 9 - 4 p.m.
MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR Training: Beverly Hospital
Wednesday, June 14, 2000
private workshop
ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Wednesday, June 7th from 6:30-9:30pm
TEAM-BUILDING & NETWORKING: Games and Inititatives for Learning
ICF Conference, Balance Program, Vancouver, BC
October 27, 2000
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UPCOMING CONCERT! - GRAND ANNOUNCEMENT!
My son, Derek Geary, will be in concert playing his original piano compositions,
at Deerfield Academy, on Tuesday, May 16th, at 7 p.m. - Original
CD available upon request.
Information about Derek can be found at his website http://www.derekgeary.com
or link from my website.
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Please forward your copy of this email to anyone you think might enjoy reading it. I am trying to build my subscriber list - I am almost at 400... and my goal is to reach 500 by May, 2000. I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thank you
Also, please e-mail me laurie@ingearcoacing.com
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Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
Professional Certified Coach
Register for my free weekly newsletter: Gear Up for Success!
or a free teleclass on Risk-Taking or Building Self Esteem.
at my website: http://www.ingearcoaching.com
Phone: (617)494-1422
Fax: (617)494-1786
Address: 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141
Graduate: Coach University http://www.coachu.com