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Issue #28 - April 15, 2000 - ATTITUDE: A+ Action #6
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Brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., Coaching you to get your life
IN GEAR by making shifts, getting unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: a perfect life.

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Each week I have been elaborating on my 8-A System for building your self esteem.
For the issue describing the whole system, go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com
 

This week's newsletter deals with ATTITUDE and its importance to your self esteem.
 

TABLE of CONTENTS:

*Topic: ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
*Related QUOTES
*Related BOOKS
*Recommended TASKS
*Upcoming TELECLASSES & Local WORKSHOPS
*SUBSCRIPTION information
 

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FEEDBACK from a READER:

Your newsletter is absolutely incredible...I am so impressed!
Sharon Hooper, Coach.
 

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ATTITUDE: A+ ACTION #6 in BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM

     Do you need an Attitude Adjustment?  How does your attitude affect your self esteem? There is what happens in life, and then there is what we tell ourselves about what happens. In terms of self esteem, what truly happens is relatively unimportant; what counts is how you interpret what happens.

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it" Charles Swindoll

     So, the bad news is that we create our reactions; the good news is that we create our reactions! But, the really good news is that we can learn to change our attitude...and thus change our reactions!

     Our attitude creates inner messages that produce automatic responses which can be quite valuable because they allow us to learn to do things without having to think through every detail every time...like typing or driving.

     However, these responses can also lower our self-esteem = Killer Statements!
We say such things to ourselves as <I am unorganized> <I can't do that> <I'm no good> Albert Ellis, a psychologist, says these statements are based upon our irrational belief system. He developed R.E.T, or Rational Emotive Therapy, as a way to change an individual's belief system so that s/he would lead a happier, healthier life. We CAN learn how to change our negative self talk...we have a choice!
 

TOP TEN WAYS to ELIMINATE/REDUCE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK to BUILD SELF-ESTEEM - A A for ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
 

1).  Keep a daily record/journal of your negative self-talk: what are you saying? how often do you use negative self-talk? killer statements?
Keep track of how often you use <should> or <must> or <can't> or <awful>
Become more aware of your inner dialogue to identify what you want to change.

2).  Ask your friends to help you become more aware of your negative self-talk...when you state it out loud.  Let them help you stop saying it!

3).  THOUGHT-STOPPING: Whenever you hear a negative thought, yell the word <STOP> silently in your head.  Stop! yourself from saying negative self talk.

4).  JAMMING:  Insert positive self talk or a positive image into the place where the negative thought came from.

5).  AFFIRMATIONS:  Use affirmations frequently to replace negative self-talk <see last week's newsletter for more information>

6).  ARGUE:  Argue with the negative self-talk, which is usually irrational.
<I'll never build my business> change to <I'm doing the best I can at building my business>
<I'm no good at conversation> change to <there are some things I'm good at>

7).  DISTRACTIONS: Get involved with activities that take your entire attention...that totally absorb you and distract you from saying those negative statements to yourself.
eg. go to a movie, a concert, a play; go dancing or skiing; read an absorbing book; start a project.

8)  HUMOR! - see the humor in your negative self talk; don't take yourself so seriously!
Laugh at yourself and be positive..
Learn to prevent hardening of the attitude from
Loretta LaRoche, M.D.- Mirth Doctor

9)  RATIONAL SELF-ANALYSIS: Use Albert Ellis's technique for changing irrational, negative self-talk...also called COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING  or the A - B - C - D - E Technique.
A = Activating Event <eg.failing or an event not going as you want it...making a mistake>
          /
B = Belief System <I'm no good> <you're not o.k.> <I should> <I can't> <it's awful>
          /                     .....irrational....
C = Consequences <depression, worthless feelings, guilt, anxiety, anger>
                                ...feelings that are destructive...
change to:
A = Activating Event
        /               ...same as above...
D = Disputing Beliefs <I'm an adequate person who makes mistakes>
        /                       ....rational.....
E = Effect <disappointed, sad, displeased, regret>
                                ....feelings that are less harmful...

10) HIRE a COACH! to help you with Reducing/Eliminating your Negative Self-Talk so that you can build your self esteem now!
 

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QUOTES:

<What disturbs people's minds is not events, but their judgments on events> Epictetus

<Psychological Stress resides neither in the situation  nor the person; it arises from how the person appraises an event and adapts to it>
Lazarus
 

<Stress is neutral - it is our reaction to it which determines whether it will be beneficial or harmful>
Hans Selye

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Recommended BOOKS:

HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY
by Albert Ellis

HOW TO PREVENT HARDENING OF THE ATTITUDE
by Loretta La Roche
 

FEELING GOOD: THE NEW MOOD THERAPY
by Eric Burns

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TASKS =

1.  Choose one or two of these ways to stop your negative self talk this week!
        (and email me your results!)

2. Exercise:  Complete the following sentences:
        1. I can't __________________
        2. I have to ______________
        3. ___________makes me____________
        4. If it weren't for ___________I would__________
 

Now go back..
        1.  Replace can't with won't
        2. Replace have to with choose to
        3. Cross out whatever you wrote in first blank and write I
        4. Cross out whatever you put in first blank and write ME
Process...what are your learnings from this exercise?

3. Register for my teleclass on building your self esteem through the 8 A -System:
        go to www.teleclasscanda.com to register (see below)

4 . Call me for a complimentary half-hour coaching session to support you in building your
        self esteem through attitude adjustment!
        Voice: 617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

5.  Read one of the books mentioned above.

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Upcoming TELECLASSES:
 

LEARN the 8 A'S - A SYSTEM for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM
 3 Tuesdays, April 18, 25, May 2 @ 9-10 pm EST - Fee: $79
http://www.teleclasscanada.com/listacourse.shtml?C300004
 

LEARN the 3-STEP MODEL for TAKING RESPONSIBLE RISKS in order to GET UNSTUCK/MAKE BREAKTHROUGHS  to CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT
4 Mondays, May 1, 8, 15, 22 @ 2-3pm EST  - Fee: $99
 

For a more detailed description of each teleclass or to register, go to http://www.teleclasscanada.com
You may also find these teleclasses listed at http://www.teleclass.com
 

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UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS:
 

BECOMING A PERSONAL/PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
April 24 & May 1,  also Monday, June 12,  @ 6:30-9:30 p.m.
*Middlesex Community College -  Saturday, April 29, 9 - 4 p.m.
 

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM: THE 8 A-SYSTEM
and BUILDING YOUR TEAM - May 17, 2000
*Wellesley Public Library, Wellesley, MA - 9 - 4 p.m.
 

ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Wednesday, June 7th from 6:30-9:30pm
 

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Please  forward your copy of this email to anyone you think might enjoy reading it.  I am trying to build my subscriber list - I am almost at 400... and my goal is to reach 500 by May, 2000. I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thank you

Also, please e-mail me laurie@ingearcoacing.com if you would like back-issues of my weekly broadcast or go to my website - http://www.ingearcoaching.com
 

To subscribe/unsubscribe to this broadcast, please send an email addressed to subscribe@ingearcoaching.com
or 
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or visit my website at http://www.ingearcoaching.com

Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed. 
Professional  Certified Coach 

Register for my free weekly newsletter: Gear Up for Success! 
or a free teleclass on Risk-Taking or Building Self Esteem. 
at my website: http://www.ingearcoaching.com

Phone: (617)494-1422 
Fax: (617)494-1786 
Address: 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141 
Graduate: Coach University http://www.coachu.com