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Issue #24 - March 18, 2000 - ACKNOWLEDGMENT: A+ Action #2
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Brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., Coaching you to get your life
IN GEAR by making shifts, getting unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your
growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: a perfect life.

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FEEDBACK from READERS:

On Assertiveness Skill: the Responsive I-Message: Saying "NO, Because..."
"Sometimes it's good to just say NO without "because". Simply say NO -"I don't
want to". It's a very effective way to set boundaries and step into our power." 
Rinatta Paries, Coach

"I have to agree with the others on the last newsletter. I thought it was 
great! Always good to hear ways to improve my self esteem. I was actually 
feeling low last week and it came at the right time".
Thanks - JW

"I'm impressed with your newsletter. I think it's already getting sharper and more enjoyable to read. I think the overall content is more focused than it was two months ago and I like that about it. Keep it up!"
DFG
 

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Continuing in the series on the 8 A+ Actions for Building Self-Esteem, this
week's issue deals with ACKNOWLEDGMENT - A+ Action #2
 

I received an interesting story this weeek from a reader.  It dealt with a high
school teacher who gave an assignment to her students to write down one nice thing about each student in the class. She then collected each nice statement, collated the lists, and gave each student the list of all the nice things their classmates had written about them. Later she discovered that many of them had carried the lists around in their pockets for years and years!

The Power of Acknowledgment!
How often  do YOU acknowledge people - give compliments, positive feedback,
tell them nice things? According to Eric Berne, author of GAMES PEOPLE PLAY,  we are all starving for acknowledgment... or "Stroke Starved". Berne defines a "stroke" as a unit or recognition which we all need for survival. When asked what they like most about having a Personal/Professional Coach, many clients state that it is the acknowledgment they receive regularly.

Virginia Satir, author of THE NEW PEOPLE-MAKING, has determined that people need compliments at a ratio of 4:1  eg. 4 compliments for every 1 criticism.  Yet, for most of us, that ratio is reversed, isn't it? We get 4 criticisms for every 1 compliment.

An excellent technique for giving a genuine compliment is the
POSITIVE I-MESSAGE:
*When you "describe their behavior"
*I felt "your genuine feeling"
*because "the tangible effect their behavior had on you"
eg. "When you made the phone call you said you would, I felt so relieved because then I didn't have to do it."
This technique is valuable because it is so genuine and specific and non-evaluative.
A "YOU MESSAGE" is evaluative and subjective. Notice the difference between
the I-Message above and the You-Message "You are so thoughtful"... Which message would you rather receive?

Practice giving Positive I-Mesasges this week!  It is a skill worth learning. Another point to consider is that the more we acknowledge others, the more we will be acknowledged in return. In order to build our self esteem, we need to GIVE as well as RECEIVE acknowledgment. Recently,a friend of mine told me that in her family the message was always "self praise is no praise". Many of us have this kind of injunction and it is so limiting.  Acknowledging ourselves "i.e. self praise" is a very important thing to do...Self esteem is built from within!.

How often do you ACKNOWLEDGE yourself?  Do you notice the good things you do and then pat yourself on the back?  Do you take stock each day of your positive actions?  Have you ever made a list of all your accomplishments?  These actions are all ways you can acknowledge yourself. The next step is to TELL OTHERS about your positive actions...Many of us also have an injunction against this - we call it BRAGGING.  However, I am referring to honestly acknowledging yourself  - and doing it publically has two benefits: you solidify your acknowledgment, and others notice what you do "people usually see us the way we see ourselves".

Loretta La Roche calls this public acknowledgment "TAH DAH -ing". She asks us to stop TO-DOing and start TAH DAHing - daily!
 Acknowledging ourselves, both inside and outside, will help us build our self
esteem very strongly! And when someone acknowledges you,  practice saying THANK YOU!. Often we don't take in compliments - we simply dismiss them as not accurate, or we immediately compliment the other person.  So, next time you get a compliment... stop, breathe, listen, reflect...really take it in and own it!

ACKNOWLEDGING OURSELVES and OTHERS is an A+ Action for building your self esteem. And, you can start today by doing your HOMEWORK "TAREA"...
 

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TAREA:

1. Acknowlege one person each day for the next week - practice giving POSITIVE I-MESSAGES
 

2. Make a list of 100 of your accomplishments... and acknowledge yourself for
them!
 

3. This week tell someone about something you've done that you are proud of -
TAH DAH!

*I would appreciate any feedback from you about your experiences with
ACKNOWLEDGMENT - thank you in advance!

4. Read any one of the following books on ACKNOWLEDGMENT:
 

*GAMES PEOPLE PLAY,  by Eric Berne - for more about STROKE THEORY

For more on the POSITIVE  I-MESSAGE: both by Thomas Gordon:
*P.E.T.: PARENT EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING
 

*T.E.T: TEACHER EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING

*THE NEW PEOPLE MAKING,  by Virginia Satir - for more about compliments & self esteem

5. Register for my upcoming teleclass on the "8-A SYSTEM for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM" in order to learn and practice "and receive!" ACKNOWLEDGMENT to build Your Self Esteem.
        "see below to register"

6. Call me for a complimentary half-hour coaching session to support you in
acknowledging yourself and others.
Voice: 617-494-1422
Email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com
 

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Upcoming TELECLASSES:

"LEARN the 8 A'S - A SYSTEM for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM"
4 Tuesdays, April 11, 18, 25, May 2 @ 9 pm EST - Fee: $99

"LEARN the 3-STEP MODEL for TAKING RESPONSIBLE RISKS in order to GET UNSTUCK/MAKE BREAKTHROUGHS  to CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT"
4 Mondays, May 1, 8, 15, 22 @ 2pm EST  - Fee: $99
 

For a more detailed description of each teleclass or to register, go to
www.teleclasscanada.com 
You may also find these teleclasses listed at www.teleclass.com or
www.teleclass4U.com 
 

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UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS:

BECOMING A PERSONAL/PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
April 24 & May 1,  also Monday, June 12,  @ 6:30-9:30 p.m.
*Middlesex Community College -  Saturday, April 29, 9 - 4 p.m.

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM: THE 8 A-SYSTEM
and BUILDING YOUR TEAM - May 17, 2000
*Wellesley Public Library, Wellesley, MA - 9 - 4 p.m.

ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Wednesday, June 7th from 6:30-9:30pm 
 

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**To ACKNOWLEDGE our Global Community by GIVING...simply click on the following sites:
Hunger Site
Save the Rainforest
Refugee Aid
End Cancer Now
Free Donation

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Please  forward your copy of this email to anyone you think might enjoy reading it.  I am trying to build my subscriber list - I am almost at 400... and my goal is to reach 500 by May, 2000. I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thank you

Also, please e-mail me laurie@ingearcoacing.com if you would like back-issues of my weekly broadcast or go to my website - http://www.ingearcoaching.com
 

To subscribe/unsubscribe to this broadcast, please send an email addressed to subscribe@ingearcoaching.com
or 
unsubscribe@ingearcoaching.com. 
In the subject line, write either subscribe or unsubscribe 
or visit my website at http://www.ingearcoaching.com

Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed. 
Professional  Certified Coach 

Register for my free weekly newsletter: Gear Up for Success! 
or a free teleclass on Risk-Taking or Building Self Esteem. 
at my website: http://www.ingearcoaching.com

Phone: (617)494-1422 
Fax: (617)494-1786 
Address: 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141 
Graduate: Coach University http://www.coachu.com