Issue #55 - October 26, 2000 <<It's Not Personal>>

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brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC.
Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting
unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping
the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with
passion and purpose.

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Table of Contents:

        1. Topic: <<IT'S NOT PERSONAL>>
        2  Recommended TASKS
        3. Upcoming TELEGROUP and Local WORKSHOPS
        4. SUBSCRIPTION information
 

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This week I am happy to print an informative and interesting article written by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries;
I think the topic relates to my series on building our self esteem by taking care of ourself, having empathy, establishing our boundaries,
and living in integrity.  I hope you enjoy...and learn from... this article as much as I did.

IT'S NOT PERSONAL

Do you take things personally? If someone around you, such as your
partner, is having a bad day, do you wonder what you did wrong? If someone
treats you discourteously, do you take it as a personal insult, or worst
yet, think that you deserve it?

Your relationships would improve and your life would be easier if you could
see things people do as not personal. How would you then feel about your
current relationships, romantic and otherwise? Would you find more peace,
intimacy, connection if you were less easily hurt?

Here is a truth:

People do what they do because of their past experiences, personality and
circumstances. Very little of how people act or react towards you actually
has to do with you. If you can buy into this, believe it in your heart and
remember it, dealing with people in any circumstances becomes much easier.

Here are some examples:

* When your intimate partner is upset at you, it may be something you did.
On the other hand, it may be nothing you did. It may be a
misinterpretation or reaction on his or her part. If you take the upset
personally, you will create an argument. Better not to take it personally
and be able to calmly discuss the issue.

* When someone is trying to take advantage of you, for example a car
salesman (this was my own resent experience :-) ), you could remember that
they are acting the way they would act with anyone. It's not personal.
Rather than getting offended, you calmly take care of yourself and your money.

* When your partner, boss, friend or parent doesn't approve of your actions
or criticizes you, know that this is his or her opinion/judgement. It's
not personal. Rather than feeling attacked or diminished, calmly discuss
the situation and your point of view.

This way of looking at relationships will save you a lot of grief in
emotional reactions, defensiveness, arguments and hurt feelings. Learning
how to maintain strong emotional boundaries is the key to making this work.

Five ways to maintain strong emotional boundaries in order not to take
things personally:

1. Be sure of yourself.
Whatever your path, your choices and decisions, believe in yourself
wholeheartedly. It's your life and only you know how to live it well.

2. Take great care of yourself.
The better physical and emotional care you give yourself, the stronger you
will be.

3. Do only what you believe is right.
Regardless of other's opinions and judgements, persevere on a path you
believe is right for you. This will make you stronger and less permeable
to the opinions/judgements of others.

4. Practice compassion.
When you sense that you are about to take something personally and react,
focus on compassion and understanding both for yourself and the other
person. This will take away the desire to react and create an argument.

5. Know your limits.
When starting to take things personally, stop. Regroup. You may need to
revisit this conversation at some other time. After all, it's hard to get
anywhere in a conversation when having a reaction and taking things to
heart.

Remember, it's not personal.

*This article was originally written by Relationship Coach, Rinatta Paries and published in The Relationship Coach Newsletter, which is a weekly e-mail publication for people who want to create fulfilling relationships. If you are single, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right.  If you are in a relationship, it will help you to create much more closeness and intimacy with your mate.  To subscribe, go to http://www.WhatItTakes.com

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Recommended TASKS:

1.   Don't take things personally!

2.  Check out Rinatta's website for back issues of her very informative, helpful newsletters on fostering your relationships

3. Register for my upcoming  teleclass and build your self esteem with the Awesome 8-A System
.
4. Register for a workshop  (see below)

5. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter related to building your self esteem.

6. Call me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session.
Voice:617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

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 TELECLASS: BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM using the 8-A SYSTEM***

*Develop your A+ Attributes to Attract what you want in your life.
*Become more Aware of your needs and wants.
*Be Accountable for your Actions
*Acknowledge and Accept yourself and others using skills that work.
*Become more Assertive: Ask for what you want; Avoid what you don't want;

Act now! Take Actions to Accelerate your growth...move forward faster in your self esteem development and learn how to Activate the 8 A's of Building Your Self Esteem.

*e-Handouts provided per session to supplement self esteem topics

Session Dates:
Free Introductory sessions: Thursday, November 2 @ 9pm EST
Take a self esteem assessment; get an overview of the 8 A's; determine if a small coaching telegroup will support you in building your self esteem.
 Also Announcing a Coaching Telegroup (limited to 8 participants): Thursdays @ 9pm EST -
November 9-16-30-December 7
Cost: $179

please note: if these dates/times are inconvenient for you, contact Laurie to arrange a coaching telegroup for you and your colleagues/friends.

To Register: Go to www.teleclassinternational.com or www.teleclass.com

For more information, contact Laurie Geary @ (617)494-1422 or email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com
or see her website @www.ingearcoaching.com

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UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS:

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
 Monday, November 13, 2000 - 6:30-9:30 p.m.
also, Thursday, January 18, 2001

MBTI - Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (private)
*Beverly Hospital - November 2, 2000

RISK-TAKING: THE PATH to PERSONAL GROWTH
*BCAE - from 6:30-9:30 pm. Thursday, January 25, 2001.

GAMES AND INITIATIVES FOR LEARNING
*ICF Conference, Balance Program, Vancouver, BC
October 27, 2000
also
* RANCHO LA PUERTA SPA, Tecate, Mexico
December 16-22, 2000

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Please  forward your copy of this newsletter to anyone you think might
enjoy reading it.  I am trying to build my subscriber list to reach 1000 by the end of 2000! I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thankyou
For back-issues of my weekly broadcast go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com

 To subscribe to this newsletter, please send an email addressed to subscribe@ingearcoaching.com... in the subject line write subscribe  ingear - to unsubscribe send email to <unsubscribe@ingearcoaching.com> ..in the subject line write <unsubscribe ingear>
or visit my website at www.ingearcoaching.com
 
 
 

Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
Professional Certified Coach
In Gear Coaching & Training
(617-494-1422
www.ingearcoaching.com