Issue #50 - September 18, 2000 <<Emotional Intelligence>>

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brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC.
Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting
unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping
the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with
passion and purpose.

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Table of Contents:

        1. Topic: <<BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE>>
        2  Recommended TASKS
        3. Recommended READING and RESOURCES
        4. Upcoming TELECLASSES, a TELEGROUP and Local WORKSHOPS
        5. SUBSCRIPTION information

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A big TAH DAH for my 50th issue!  I thank all of you, my loyal subscribers, for encouraging and supporting me in getting out of my comfort zone and growing as a writer and coach!  I thank so many of your for all your feedback and would love to hear from more of you!
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Topic:          BUILD YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)

        IQ is no longer the standard for success; EQ has been found to be the better yardstick to measure success...in both our professional as well as our personal life. Studies have shown that, at best, IQ only contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success.  A study of 95 Harvard students in the 1940's who were followed into middle age (see George Valliant <Adaptation to Life> showed that the men with the highest test scores did not have greater life satisfaction nor the most happiness with friendships, family, and romantic relationships.
People with high EQ seem to be happier and more successful throughout their life.
        The main difference, supposedly,  between IQ and EQ is that EQ can be increased throughout our life; EQ can be learned and developed over time...it's an on-going process.
        How is your EQ?  What is EQ? Why is EQ important?  People with emotional Intelligence have been found to excel in real life; they have intimate relationships that flourish and professional lives that soar.  People with EQ  have self awareness and impulse control, persistence, zeal and self motivation, empathy and social deftness.
        This week I attended our local coaching organization's monthly meeting where our speaker, Marcia Reynolds, President of the ICF (International Coach Federation)  told us of the importance of developing our  "emotional literacy."

According to Daniel Goleman, author of <Emotional Intelligence> there are five main ways you can build your EQ:

1. SELF-AWARENESS..recognizing a feeling as it happens...is the keystone of emotional intelligence.  Self awareness means paying attention to yourself.  The sign of a healthy person is someone who can pay attention to what's going on within themself as well as what is going on within others. A noted psychologist said self-awareness means being "aware of both our mood and our thoughts about that mood."  Nathaniel Branden, another psychologist who wrote <The Six Pillars of Self Esteem,> says the first pillar is to practice being more conscious in everything we do.  Being 5% more conscious is enough to affect change.
What are some ways to become more aware of one's feelings...to become more conscious?
*Make a list of feeling words, like anger, sadness, fear, enjoyment, love, surprise, disgust, shame, etc... then keep track of your feelings throughout the day.
 *Periodically, throughout the day, stop and ask yourself: "how am I feeling right now?".
*Ask yourself "how can I be 5% more conscious right now?" note: if you are asking yourself this question, you are already more conscious!

2. MANAGING EMOTIONS: Handling feelings so that they are appropriate is an ability that builds EQ.  Managing involves dealing appropriately with anger, anxiety, frustration, irritation, discouragement, depression...etc..as well as having the capacity to soothe and nurture oneself.

How does one learn to manage emotions?

*Notice your negative responses and ask yourself  "can I choose to feel another way?" eg. you are driving on a busy freeway, someone cuts you off...and you feel angry because you think they are being rude and inconsiderate.  Instead you decide to think that they are teaching you a lesson in being patient. and with that thought your feelings change to appreciation/acceptance instead of anger.

*Practice Delicious Daily Habits - Find ways to nurture yourself on a daily basis. Practice noticing your <Simple Abundance> and  have <Daily Gratitude>

*Stop..Look..Listen: Take a moment..breathe..ask yourself:"what do I need right now to feel good?"

*Recruit a friend to support you in managing your emotions...to help you stop your negative feelings and to foster your positive feelings.

*Find friends who are role models for managing their emotions in a positive way.

3. MOTIVATING ONESELF: Emotions need to be marshalled to help us meet a goal: by paying attention, being creative, feeling inspiration as well as by helping us delay gratification and stifle impulsiveness.  Being able to get into the "flow" state enables outstanding performance of all kinds; and, getting into the "flow" state means involving our EQ.  People with high EQ take risks...they are more willing to get out of their comfort zone and into their growth zone.  Taking risks is the path to personal growth (see numerous past issues of my newsletter on Risk-Taking..www.ingearcoaching.com); the more risks one takes, the more motivated you are to take risks.  Taking risks for growth develops one's risk muscle.

How can you motivate yourself more to meet your goals?

*Hire a coach to support you!
*Find friends to support you in being motivated
*Challenge yourself to meet your goals..
*Take risks
*Set deadlines
*Reward yourself for goals met
*Identify role models who can inspire you to meet your goals.
*Educate yourself on how to be motivated.

4. RECOGNIZING EMOTIONS IN OTHERS: Empathy..being able to understand someone else's feelings.. is the quintessential skill that builds emotional self awareness.  Being able to "put yourself in someone else's shoes" fosters EQ.  There are actually people who seem to have an incapacity for empathy.. for getting in touch with others' feelings.  This condition is called <alexithymia>...a Greek word that means <lack of emotion>.

How does one develop empathy?

*Pay attention to non verbal clues and body language of others
*Be more conscious
*Educate yourself: read books, listen to tapes, go to workshops, take teleclasses.. to learn how to be more in touch with others' feelings.
*Notice and avoid alexthymics!

5. HANDLING RELATIONSHIPS:  The art of relationships is, in large part, skill in managing emotions in others.  People who excel in interpersonal skills have high EQ.

How can you learn to handle relationships?

*Learn to be a good listener - take a course in effective communication, listen to tapes/read...
*Hire a relationship coach.
*Take a course in Assertiveness Training.
*Ask for feedback from others on your relationship skills.
*Notice if your relationships are toxic or nurturing...and avoid the toxic ones as much as possible.
 

What are the qualities of people with high EQ? (taken from <Emotional Intelligence> by Daniel Goleman

*Men who are high in emotional intelligence are socially poised, outgoing and cheerful, not prone to fearfulness or worried ruminations.  They have a notable capacity for commitment to people or causes, for taking responsibility, and for having an ethical outlook; they are sympathetic and caring in their relationships.  Their emotional life is rich, but appropriate, they are comfortable with themselves, others, and the social universe they live in.

*Women who are high in emotional intelligence tend to be assertive and express their feelings directly, and to feel positively about themselves; life holds meaning for them.  They are outgoing and gregarious, and express their feelings appropriately; they adapt well to stress.  They reach out to new people socially; they are comfortable enough to be playful, spontaneous, and open; they rarely feel anxious or guilty or sink into rumination.

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Recommended READING and RESOURCES:

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE: Why It Can Matter More than IQ, by Daniel Goleman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0-553-09503-x/gearupforsuccela

WORKING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, by Daniel Goleman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0-553-10462-4/gearupforsuccela

THE SIMPLE ABUNDANCE JOURNAL OF GRATITUDE, by Sarah Ban Breathnach,
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0-446-52106-X/gearupforsuccela

THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF ESTEEM, by Nathaniel Branden,
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0-553-09529-3/gearupforsuccela

FINDING FLOW, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi,
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0-465-04513-8/gearupforsuccela

contact relationship coach, Rinatta Paries at www.whatittakes.com and for numerous newsletters on relationship-building.
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Recommended TASKS:

1. Register for my upcoming  teleclass and build your self esteem ...and emotional intelligence... with the Awesome 8-A System

2.  Read one of the great books mentioned above.

3. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter related to building your self esteem.

4. Call me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to build your EQ!
Voice:617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

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 TELECLASS: BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM using the 8-A SYSTEM***

*Develop your A+ Attributes to Attract what you want in your life.
*Become more Aware of your needs and wants.
*Be Accountable for your Actions
*Acknowledge and Accept yourself and others using skills that work.
*Become more Assertive: Ask for what you want; Avoid what you don't want;

Act now! Take Actions to Accelerate your growth...move forward faster in your self esteem development and learn how to Activate the 8 A's of Building Your Self Esteem.

*e-Handouts provided per session to supplement self esteem topics

Session Dates:
Free Introductory sessions: Thursday, September 28, October 5, November 2 @ 9pm EST
Take a self esteem assessment; get an overview of the 8 A's; determine if a small coaching telegroup will support you in building your self esteem.
 Also Announcing a Coaching Telegroup (limited to 8 participants): Thursdays @ 9pm EST - November 9-16-30-December 7
Cost: $179

please note: if these dates/times are inconvenient for you, contact Laurie to arrange a coaching telegroup for you and your colleagues/friends.

To Register: Go to www.teleclassinternational.com or www.teleclass.com

For more information, contact Laurie Geary @ (617)494-1422 or email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com
or see her website @www.ingearcoaching.com

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NOTE: Telecourses are classes that are delivered via the telephone
(a virtual classroom). It is an new cutting-edge approach to
E-business. This method of delivery provides convenient, cost-
effective, and creative ways for companies to support their
technical staff as well as support staff. The above courses
are for both individuals or teams.
Participants experience the following benefits:
- convenience (you may call from your home, office, hotel...)
- no commute or travel time
- practice and support working the concepts and tools
- interactive and fun!
Companies experience the following benefits:
- participants do not leave the work site, thus saving
cost of time away from work, travel time, external
seminar expenses.
- reduced cost of the offering without sacrificing
quality courses for employees.
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UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS:

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
Monday, September 18  - also, Monday, November 13, 2000 - 6:30-9:30 p.m.
also, Thursday, January 18, 2001
and
*Middlesex Community College
Saturday, September 23rd from 9-4 pm
and
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 27th from 9-3 pm

TEAM-BUILDING:
*Thompson Island Outward Bound Education Center
August 2...September 6th and 16th
and
*The Warren Conference Center...Northeastern University
August 30 & 31st.

MBTI - Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (private)
*Beverly Hospital - November 2, 2000
and
*Hanson Insurance Agency - September 29,2000

RISK-TAKING: THE PATH to PERSONAL GROWTH
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, October 4th from 9-3 pm
also
*BCAE - Monday, October 16  from 6:30-9:30 pm.
and Thursday, January 25, 2001.

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8 A+ SYSTEM
North Shore Community College
Wednesday, October 11th from 9-3 pm

ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Saturday, October 14th from 9 to 4 pm

TEAM-BUILDING:
*Thompson Island Outward Bound Education Center
September 6th and 16th
and
*The Warren Conference Center of Northeastern University
August 30 & 31st.

GAMES AND INITIATIVES FOR LEARNING
*ICF Conference, Balance Program, Vancouver, BC
October 27, 2000

* RANCHO LA PUERTA SPA, Tecate, Mexico
December 16-22, 2000

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Please  forward your copy of this newsletter to anyone you think might
enjoy reading it.  I am trying to build my subscriber list to reach 1000 by the end of 2000! I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thankyou
For back-issues of my weekly broadcast go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com

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or visit my website at www.ingearcoaching.com
 
 

Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
 Professional  Certified Coach, Certified Teleclass Leader
Register for my free weekly newsletter: GEAR UP for SUCCESS!
 at my website: www.ingearcoaching.com
Sign up for my September coaching telegroup: Building Your Self Esteem with the 8-A System
Phone: (617)494-1422  Fax: (617)494-1786
Address: 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141
Graduate: Coach U www.coachu.com