Issue #85 - June, 8  2001 <<Top Ten Ways to Coping with Loss &Grief!>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC.
Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting
unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping
the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with
passion and purpose.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
In this issue:
        1. Welcome!
        2. Reader Feedback
        3. Weekly Article:  <<Top Ten Ways to Cope with Loss and Grief>>
        4. Recommended Tasks
        5. Recommended Books
        6. Upcoming  Teleclasses and local Workshops
        7. Subscription information
 

1. WELCOME

Welcome to <GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS> and a warm welcome to all
my new subscribers!  I really appreciate your forwarding my newsletter
to all your friends and colleagues. Your recommendations help me grow
and develop as a coach and trainer. Anyone can subscribe by going to my
website www.ingearcoaching.com or simply email your subscription request
to laurie@ingearcoaching.com
Thank you so much for your support!
 

2. READER FEEDBACK: on Dealing with Loss: the Four Stages:

<There's a fifth step: going on with life. If it's loss of a job or a home,
finding a better one. If it's a loss of a loved one, there's no
replacement, unless this is a perfidious spouse or boyfriend. In loss through
death there is action to take. Some of the greatest gifts to the world have
come about through a mother's loss: MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers)
and the boy that died in Italy whose family donated his organs and raised
consciousness for that activity in Italy, the family whose daughter was killed in Africa, who forgave..??? Sometimes the next step is learning forgiveness, the toughest lesson in the world (read: Casarjian's Forgiveness..also When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Kushman) I think acceptance alone is not enough. We have to make that lost life count for something more when it's death. We have to make a love lost through perfidy, a love well lost. I know losing <name withheld> gave me a wonderful life..a life filled with adventure...so that loss was gift. There was a man I knew who had lost use of his legs in a mining accident, but after his long therapy he became a therapist and met a woman who had become paralyzed (from an auto accident) and they were married, in their wheelchairs..and lived very happily together> Rhoda Riddell

<You forgot my favorite stage: DENIAL!   First Shock..then Denial...occur
before one moves into Stage Two: Anger...then Stage Three: Sadness...
and Stage Four: Resolution/Integration>
P.L

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
 Last week's newsletter dealt with the predictable stages people go
through when they are dealing with the loss of a loved one, either through
death or divorce/separation, as well as dealing with losses of physical/emotional
abilities.   This week's newsletter deals with ways to cope with these losses
in order to move on...to resolve and integrate the loss experience (Stage 4)
into your life so that you feel whole once again.

3.  **Weekly Article:  <<TOP TEN WAYS to COPE with LOSS & GRIEF>>

1.  Use your SUPPORT SYSTEM: family & friends who will give you a shoulder to cry on..or who will listen to you talk about your feelings/thoughts.  Expand your support network, if needed: find new friends and/or  Find a good SUPPORT GROUP with people who are dealing with the same type of loss you are dealing with, such as divorce/death/health/job.

2.  Identify ROLE MODELS/MENTORS: people who can show you healthy ways of dealing with your loss...people who can inspire you to find the strength
 within to cope. Find BIOGRAPHIES of people who have dealt with loss
 in constructive, healing ways.

3.  Find a good THERAPIST who will help you deal with your loss.  A recent loss may trigger past losses; therapy can help you understand what is going
 on.  Sometimes medication can help; if you need medication, a therapist
 can advise and support you with it.or Hire a COACH who will help you move forward and take needed action steps to progress through your stages of grief.

4. Be HEALTHY!  Be sure to get lots of sleep, exercise, eat well; take care of your physical state in order to have the physical and emotional strength to manage your loss.

5. Focus on the POSITIVES:  With relationship loss, think about all the good things that person gave you; do something to honor and cherish the connection you had with that person.  Forgive, send thoughts of peace and healing and joy.
 With job loss, think about all you learned/gained from being in that job;
 with health loss, appreciate and strengthen what you do have.

6. ACCEPT what you cannot change; SURRENDER to your feelings.
 TRUST in the process YOU need to move through each stage; there is no
 set time table. Each person's grief process is unique and individual.
 Each person needs to experience his/her feelings at each stage.  There
 are no short cuts to resolving and integrating our experiences/feelings of loss.

7.  BE PRESENT: Focus on being in the NOW.  OBSERVE yourself thinking and
 feeling your pain.  The process of observing/witnessing our pain brings
 us into the present moment, which can break the obsession with the pain
 of the past or the worry of the future.  The present is really all we have.
 For more information about this concept, see <The Power of Now>**

8.  DISTRACT yourself: Find ways to distract yourself from your pain: read an
 absorbing novel, see an entertaining movie or play, go to a concert,
 get involved with a time-consuming sport or hobby or project.  Take
 a time out from your pain to have fun!

9.  READ self help books or LISTEN to tapes that will help you understand
 the process of grief and how you can best learn to deal with it.
 (see recommendations below)

10. Take WORKSHOPS/COURSES that will help you in finding information,
 coping mechanisms/techniques, and support systems to deal with your loss.

**copyright: all rights reserved: Laurie Geary, June, 2001

Do you have any other ideas for my readers?  I appreciate any input
Thank you.
 
 

3. Recommended TASKS:

a. Ask yourself: <What do I need to do NOW to help me in coping with
 my current loss?>  Check off one or more of the Top Ten Ways
 and begin today!

b. Call or email me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to
 help you in dealing with any losses in your life that are occurring or
 that are unresolved
  Voice:617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

c.. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter to read
 more articles on taking risks, building self esteem, finding your passion, resolving conflict,
coaching...and much more

d. Read one of the books recommended below
 

4. Recommended BOOKS:

<The Power of Now> by Eckhart Tolle**
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1-57731-152-3/gearupforsuccela
(excellent tape set also)

<Life after Loss: A Personal Guide Dealing with Death, Divorce, Job Change
and Relocation> by Bob Deits
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1555611893/gearupforsuccela

<Good Grief: A Constructive Approach to the Problem of Loss> by George Westberg
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0800611144/gearupforsuccela

<On Death and Dying> by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684839385/gearupforsuccela

<How to Survive the Loss of a Love> by McWilliams, Bloomfield, Colgrove
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0931580439/gearupforsuccela

<Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life> by Abigail Trafford
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060923091/gearupforsuccela

<Forgiveness: A Bold Choice for a Peaceful Heart> by  Robin Casarjin
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0553352369/gearupforsuccela

or....
Order my new workbook:
<RISK TO GROW! CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT through RESPONSIBLE RISK-TAKING>
a collection of articles, top tens, models, poems & quotes, and exercises on Risk-Taking....
or
 order my other booklet on experiential activities for trainers: 75 of my favorite activities
learned from years of working as an instructor for Outward Bound Professional Development
Programs <GAMES & INITIATIVES for NETWORKING, ENERGIZING, & TEAM-BUILDING>.

Both booklets now available...hard copy ($20) or pdf. file ($15)
Send check to Laurie Geary, 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141;
email request to: laurie@ingearcoaching.Com or
order at my website: www.ingearcoaching.com
 

5. UPCOMING <TELECLASSES> and  <LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:

<TELECLASSES>
Register at www.teleclass.com or www.womensu.com  or simply
email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

* RISK TO GROW! Create the Life You Want through Responsible Risk-Taking.
Learn the 3-Step Risk-Taking Process. Identify Risking Motivators & Blocks,
Resources and much more.
 Wednesday, June 13th @ 9pm EST

*BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8-A SYSTEM
North Shore Community College (NSCC)
 4 Thursdays, September 6-13-20-27 @ 8pmEST
Call NSCC to register (978) 762-6722

<LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:

RISK-TAKING: The Path to Personal Growth:
*Boston Center for Adult Education
Thursday, June 7th from 6:30-9:30 pm
also Tuesday, September 25th @ 6:30pmEST
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 26th from 9-3pm

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
  6:30-9:30 pm Tuesday, September 11th @ 6:30pmEST
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 12th, from 9-3pm

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8-A SYSTEM
North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 19th from 9-3pm
 
 

6. SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
Please  forward your copy of this newsletter to anyone you think might enjoy reading it.
I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...
nothing changed, added or deleted,including subscription information and my contact
and copyright information. Thank you
For back-issues of my weekly broadcast go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com
To subscribe or un-subscribe go to www.ingearcoaching.com/newsletter