Gear Up for Success! Laurie Geary, Life Coach

Gear up for Success!

<<A+ ATTRIBUTES of HIGH SELF ESTEEM>>

GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS: "Tips, Techniques, and Tarea (Homework)"
-a weekly email broadcast designed to support you in creating the life you want

Issue #35 - June 2, 2000 <<A+ ATTRIBUTES of HIGH SELF ESTEEM>>

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brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed. PCC. Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with passion and purpose.
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Each week I have been elaborating on my 8-A System for building your self esteem. <For issue #22 describing the whole A-system, as well as back issues describing each <A>, go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com>

This week's newsletter deals with the A+ ATTRIBUTES of Someone with HIGH SELF ESTEEM.

Table of Contents:
1. Reader Feedback
2. Topic: A+ ATTRIBUTES of HIGH SELF ESTEEM
3. QUOTES
4. POEM: TIme Somebody Told Me
also What is Real? from the VELVETEEN RABBIT
5. Recommended BOOKS
6. Recommended TASKS
7.TELECLASSES and Local WORKSHOPS
8. SUBSCRIPTION information

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READER FEEDBACK on Achievements <Issue #34>

<I especially enjoyed your newsletter about affiliations and achievements and
the difference between men and women in how they valued each. It makes a lot
of sense and is a useful point to use in promoting mutual understanding.
Thanks for your excellent food for thought! >
Love, Judy Godinez

<Dear Laurie,
Thanks for your newsletters about affiliation vs. achievement. As a man, and
"possible human" (re: Jean Houston), I have struggled all my life to "achieve"
(LOL) my "goal" of attaining affiliation over achievement. I'm finding that
my struggle may be a "question of balance" (re: Moody Blues) between these
two qualities in order to protect myself and survive in today's society.
I believe it is my inherent nature as a human being "fallen from grace" as
well as societal conditioning that has led me developmentally into an
over-emphasis on the value of achievement. I believe that competition and
"survival of the fittest" (nature vs nurture?) are a result of "old brain"
(re: Harville Hendrix) influence in addition to a fall from grace and fear of
intimacy. Presently, I'm addressing this question for myself as a fear of
intimacy.

As I work through layers of traumatic childhood/past issues, messages from
significant others, and false roles/beliefs, I'm finding that I have
developed an adapted self that uses achievement to medicate my pain and avoid
getting close to people. This involves low self esteem and shame issues.
Memorial Day brought up unresolved issues around my father, fighting, and war
as a means in our society - and in my personal relationships - to resolve
differences and/or be successful. As a former college athlete (football,
baseball) and Marine Corps/Vietnam veteran, I broke down and sobbed as I
realized my sadness, hurt, and pain about my father's (and others of his
generation) experience in WWII, my experience in the Marines and Vietnam, my
abuse in competitive sports, and my experience as a man in a society that I
think devalues affiliation/relationship and glorifies competition, winning,
power (over), and war.
What more can I say? Wish me luck on my "journey" and thanks for supporting
me with your weekly reminders>.
Sincerely,
Steve ChappellCoachchappell@aol.com

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Topic: 8 A+ ATTRIBUTES of HIGH SELF ESTEEM

1. AUTHENTIC: Being real...honest...congruent...are the key characteristics of authenticity. People with high self esteem are truly authentic: they know who they are...they are clear on their Identity. It takes courage to be authentic, and it is an ever-evolving process as we grow and change throughout our lifetime. I want to be a HUMAN BEING...not a HUMAN DOING!

2. ASSERTIVE: People with high self esteem are assertive: they know how to get their needs met while respecting the needs of others. Being assertive means asking for what you want, acting on what you want, setting boundaries, establishing personal standards. Being assertive means having the courage to be yourself and continue to become the person you want to be.
<see issue #23 for more information>

3. AWARE: A person with high self esteem is very aware of who they are, what they want and need for happiness and fulfillment. All growth begins with awareness. Nathaniel Brandon, author of THE SIX PILLARS of SELF ESTEEM*, states that <awareness is the central pillar of self esteem>
<see issue #30 for more information on AWARENESS>.

4. ATTRACTIVE: Attraction is a force of nature, with the pulling power of a magnet; it's an invisible power that draws things to itself. Being attractive means you are drawing into your life what you want for yourself... whether in the form of success at work, more meaningful relationships, richer life satisfaction, more money, or more opportunities for personal or professional growth. You can learn to attract abundance into your life, find fulfillment, and reach your potential. Identify role models/mentors who are Attractive - and learn from them. Read THE PORTABLE COACH*, by Thomas Leonard, to learn the 28 Principles of Attraction.
<see Issue #29 for more information on ATTRACTION>

5. ALIVE & AWAKE! - A person with high self esteem is totally alive & awake=full of energy and present to the moment. BE HERE NOW!* is their motto. When you are with them you feel their
focus on you and on their surroundings which creates a positive energy field...and attraction.

6. ACTIVE (AEROBIC): People with high self esteem know that staying physically fit is a priority; they are aerobically active on a daily basis. What do you do to remain active? Is this one of your priorities?
ACTION: Active people also take ACTION to get what they want in life. What actions do you need to take today to create the life you want?

7. ACCEPTING: People with high self esteem are unconditionally accepting of others...as well as accepting of themselves. When I accept others I allow them to be their authentic selves; I don't try to change them. When I accept myself I accept my strengths as well as my weaknesses; I allow myself to be imperfect. I accept that I may not have developed all 8 A+ Attributes... and that is O.K.
I accept that <I'm O.K. and You're O.K> I accept that every person born has his or her own identify and has as much inner worth as any other. I accept that every person is a magnificent miracle!
<see issue #31 for more information>

8. ACTUALIZED: Abraham Maslow, a well-known psychologist, studied healthy, successful people to determine what motivated them. According to him, these people <only 1 % of the population> were Self-Actualized...having reached total fulfillment and their full potential in life. They were found to be truly happy experiencing many peak experiences. People with high self esteem obviously are self-actualized. However, I believe that more than 1% of us can reach Actualization, don't you? What can you do to achieve fulfillment....to reach your potential? Do you need to remove some tolerations or energy drains? Do you need to simplify your life to make room for what's important for your self esteem? Do you need to have better self-care? Do you need to set goals and take action? Many people hire coaches to partner with them to become self actualized. Do whatever you need to do!

AWESOME ATTRIBUTES ACCELERATE your self esteem development! Embrace and develop these 8 A+ Attributes for yourself and build your self esteem today and tomorrow!

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QUOTES:

<Most of us die with our music still inside us> Oliver Wendell Holmes

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A Poem: TIME SOMEBODY TOLD ME

Time somebody told me:
that I am lovely, good and real...
that my beauty could make hearts stand still.

It's time somebody told me:
that my love is so complete..
that my mind is quick and full of wit..
that my loving is just too good to quit..

Time somebody told me:
how much they want love and need me..
how much my spirit helps set them free..
how my eyes shine full of the white light..
how good it feels just to hold me tight.

Time somebody told me.

So I had a talk with myself - just me, nobody else.

"Cause it was time that somebody told me.
author unknown
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WHAT IS REAL? by Margery Williams from THE VELVETEEN RABBIT*

<What is REAL?> asked the Rabbit one day when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender before Nana came to tidy the room. <Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick out handle?>

<REAL isn't how you are made> said the Skin Horse. <It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves your for a long,long time, then you become REAL>

<sometimes> said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful, <when you are REAL you don't mind being hurt>

<Does it happen all at once, like being wound up> he asked, <or bit by bit?>

<It doesn't happen all at once> said the Skin Horse. <You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop off, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all because once you are REAL you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand>

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Recommended BOOKS:

<THE VELVETEEN RABBIT> by Margery Williams
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0385077254/gearupforsuccela

<THE PORTABLE COACH> by Thomas Leonard
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684850419/gearupforsuccela

<BE HERE NOW> by Ram Dass
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0517543052/gearupforsuccela

<THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF ESTEEM> by Nathaniel Branden
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0553095293/gaerupforsuccela

<TOWARD A PSYCHOLOGY OF BEING> by Abraham Maslow
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0471293091/gearupforsuccela

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TASKS =

1. Continue to develop YOUR A+ Attributes of Self Esteem; find role models...a mentor..a coach to support you.

2. EXERCISE: WHO AM I?
Take ten sheets of paper; write on the top of each one the word <Who am I?>
Then write, on each sheet, one answer to that question. At the end of ten sheets, you'll have the same question written, but ten different answers. Now go back over the ten again, and looking at each answer, write below it on each sheet, what turns you on about that particular answer. Now go back over the ten sheets, and arrange them in order of priority. Your most important identity goes on the top. Then in order, go on down to the identity that is to you of least importance. Finally, go back over the ten sheets and see if there are some common denominators...if so, you have begun to put your finger upon some of the things that you must have to be truly happy and fulfilled; and you have become much clearer about WHO AM I?

3. Read one of the books mentioned above. <send me your recommendations!>

4. Hire a coach to support you in building your A+ Attributes of self esteem.
Call me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session today.
Voice:617-494-1422; email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

5. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter - especially for this
month's series on The 8 A+Actions for Building Your Self Esteem.

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TELECLASSES:
4 one-hour private sessions - to be scheduled at your convenience - Fee: $300
or for group teleclases: $99.

<RESOLVING CONFLICTS> Learn and practice effective skills for managing and resolving conflicts in all your relationships..at work or at home.

<ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING> Get your needs met while respecting the rights of others.

For a more detailed description of my teleclasses go to www.ingearcoaching.com

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<UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
Monday, June 12, 2000; 6:30-9:30 p.m.
also Monday, July 24, 2000; 6:30-9:30p.m.
*Middlesex Community College
Saturday, September 23rd from 9-4 pm
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 27th from 9-3 pm

MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR Training: Beverly Hospital
Wednesday, June 14, 2000
private workshop - <individual MBTI assessment and interpretation available>

RISK-TAKING: THE PATH to PERSONAL GROWTH
North Shore Community College
Wednesday, October 4th from 9-3 pm

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8 A+ SYSTEM
North Shore Community College
Wednesday, October 11th from 9-3 pm

ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Saturday, October 14th from 9 to 4 pm

TEAM-BUILDING & NETWORKING: Games and Inititatives for Learning
ICF Conference, Balance Program, Vancouver, BC
October 27, 2000
also at RANCHO LA PUERTA SPA, Tecate, Mexico
December 16-22, 2000

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Please forward your copy of this email to anyone you think might
enjoy reading it. I am trying to build my subscriber list to reach 500 by July 4, 2000. I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thankyou

For back-issues of my weekly broadcast go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com

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Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
Professional Certified Coach

Register for my free weekly newsletter: Gear Up for Success!
or a free teleclass on Risk-Taking or Building Self Esteem.
at my website: http://www.ingearcoaching.com

Phone: (617)494-1422
Fax: (617)494-1786
Address: 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141
Graduate: Coach University http://www.coachu.com