Issue #84 - June, 1  2001 <<Dealing with Loss!>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC.
Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting
unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping
the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with
passion and purpose.

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In this issue:
        1. Welcome!
        2. Weekly Article:  <<Dealing with Loss>>
        3. Recommended Tasks
        4. Recommended Books
        5. Upcoming  Teleclasses and local Workshops
        6. Subscription information
 

1. WELCOME

Welcome to <GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS> and a warm welcome to all
my new subscribers!  I really appreciate your forwarding my newsletter
to all your friends and colleagues. Your recommendations help me grow
and develop as a coach and trainer. Anyone can subscribe by going to my
website www.ingearcoaching.com or simply email your subscription request
to laurie@ingearcoaching.com
Thank you so much for your support!
 
 

2.  **Weekly Article:  <<DEALING WITH LOSS>>

<To risk loving, knowing that loss is inevitable, is the single most
important challenge in our lives>

 These days it seems like everyone around me, including myself,
is dealing with loss....loss of health, loss of a job, loss of a parent, or
loss of a significant other.
 A close family member and a close friend are both coming to terms
with drastic changes...reductions... in their health, which will permanently
limit their lifestyles.  Other aging friends are having to adjust to negative
changes in their health and fitness levels which limit their movement,
or reduce their sight or hearing.
 Some of my middle-aged friends are having to deal with the death
of their aging parents.  Many of my clients and friends are coping
with the loss of significant relationships: spouses, long term lovers or partners.
This month is the anniversary of my brother's death, who died too early at
age 48.
 Certain clients and colleagues are having to deal with loss of a job
either through down-sizing or through early retirement.
 Loss is painful...and everyone is in pain;!!   No one likes pain,
yet pain is inevitable with loss...and loss is part of life..it is unavoidable.
 There are 4 predictable stages that people go through when dealing
with loss and grief (see Kubler-Ross*).  These four stages can't be rushed;
each of us must go through them on our own time schedule.  It seems that
the more important and significant the relationship, the longer it takes
to reach resolution and integration of the loss.   Also, each of us goes
through the stages in our own way; we must move through the stages
on our unique and personal path.

   The STAGES of LOSS & GRIEF

Stage I. SHOCK and DENIAL
 We can't believe this loss has happened to us!  We deny and ignore
our feelings.  We are disoriented and out-of-touch.

Stage II: ANGER
 Once we acknowledge that our loss has occurred we become really angry!
Life isn't fair!  We blame others...we blame the universe..  we want to scream,
strike out or retaliate

Stage III: SADNESS
 We finally accept the loss...and feelings of sadness can engulf and
overwhelm us.

Stage IV: RESOLUTION & INTEGRATION
 We finally come to terms with our loss and accept that it has happened.
The loss becomes part of our life experience.  The pain has finally dissipated;
we possibly achieve peace and, perhaps, forgiveness.  We may even be able to
acknowledge the positive aspects of our loss...we may feel pride in the strengths
we developed or the value added from developing new coping mechanisms and strategies.
We move on with our life.

 It's important to recognize that we need to go through these predictable stages
of grief whenever we face a significant loss in our life: a job loss, a relationship
loss, a physical or mental loss.  We should try to recognize and accept the
stage we are in and take our time to resolve that stage in order to move on to
the next stage.  Each stage serves a purpose.  SHOCK & DENIAL, as with physical
trauma, serves to protect us by giving us time to shore up our defenses, to develop
strengths to move forward.  ANGER mobilizes us: it can give us needed energy to take
action: it can also serve to help us separate from the situation or the person. We move
into the next stage by finding ways to express or resolve our anger. SADNESS comes
from finally accepting the loss that has occurred...the job, the person is finally gone.
In order to move forward we need to BE in our sadness...experience it, not avoid it.
 Only by experiencing each stage with its own time table will we get to
RESOLUTION and INTEGRATION of our loss.  In the final stage the loss experience
 becomes part of who we are - part of our identity.  We never forget losses of these
magnitudes, but we can come to terms with them, even learn from them, grow and evolve...
and then move on.
 We each move through these stages in our own way.  We may go from anger to
sadness and back to anger; we may go to sadness first, then to anger.  We can also
get stuck in a stage: stuck in anger, or stuck in sadness; there is no guarantee that we
will move through the stages to Integration.  We need to be aware, allow the process to unfold,
take action as needed.  We can be proactive (see next week's issue)
 We can't control the inevitable losses that occur during our lifetime,
but we can control our reactions to these losses.  We can choose how we
adjust: we can either be victims or victors!   It's your choice.

**copyright: all rights reserved: Laurie Geary, May, 2001

Next week's Topic: <Top Ten Ways to Deal with Loss & Grief>
 
 

3. Recommended TASKS:

a..  Ask yourself: What stage of loss am I in?  What do I need to do to deal with
this stage?  how can I move on to the next stage?

b.  Be sure to read next week's newsletter for some tips!
See Issue #7 on Anger Management.

c. See the June issue of OPRAH magazine with articles  on <How to Let Go>
<Dealing with Being Dumped> <Breaking Up> and much more!

d. Call or email me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to
 help you in dealing with any losses in your life that are occurring or
 that are unresolved
  Voice:617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

e. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter to read
 more articles on taking risks, building self esteem, finding your passion, resolving conflict,
coaching...and much more

f. Read one of the books recommended below
 

4. Recommended BOOKS/MAGAZINE:

<On Death and Dying> by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross*
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0684839385/gearupforsuccela

<How to Survive the Loss of a Love> by McWilliams, Bloomfield, Colgrove
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0931580439/gearupforsuccela

<Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life> by Abigail Trafford
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060923091/gearupforsuccela

or....
Order my new workbook:
<RISK TO GROW! CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT through RESPONSIBLE RISK-TAKING>
a collection of articles, top tens, models, poems & quotes, and exercises on Risk-Taking....
or
 order my other booklet on experiential activities for trainers: 75 of my favorite activities
learned from years of working as an instructor for Outward Bound Professional Development
Programs <GAMES & INITIATIVES for NETWORKING, ENERGIZING, & TEAM-BUILDING>.

Both booklets now available...hard copy ($20) or pdf. file ($15)
Send check to Laurie Geary, 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141;
email request to: laurie@ingearcoaching.Com or
order at my website: www.ingearcoaching.com
 

5. UPCOMING <TELECLASSES> and  <LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:

<TELECLASSES>
Register at www.teleclass.com or www.womensu.com  or simply
email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

* RISK TO GROW! Create the Life You Want through Responsible Risk-Taking.
Learn the 3-Step Risk-Taking Process. Identify Risking Motivators & Blocks,
Resources and much more.
 Wednesday, June 13th @ 9pm EST

*BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8-A SYSTEM
North Shore Community College (NSCC)
 4 Thursdays, September 6-13-20-27 @ 8pmEST
Call NSCC to register (978) 762-6722

<LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:

RISK-TAKING: The Path to Personal Growth:
*Boston Center for Adult Education
Thursday, June 7th from 6:30-9:30 pm
also Tuesday, September 25th @ 6:30pmEST
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 26th from 9-3pm

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
  6:30-9:30 pm; Tuesday, June 5, 2001
also Tuesday, September 11th @ 6:30pm EST
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 12th, from 9-3pm

BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8-A SYSTEM
North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 19th from 9-3pm
 
 

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