GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS! "Tips, Techniques, and Tasks" - a weekly newsletter designed to support you in getting IN GEAR to create the life you want today.

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Issue #33 - May 18, 2000  <<AFFILIATIONS>>

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brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed. PCC. Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with passion and purpose.
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Each week I have been elaborating on my 8-A System for building your self esteem. <For issue #22 describing the whole A-system, as well as back issues describing each <A>, go to my website @  www.ingearcoaching.com>

This week's newsletter deals with AFFILIATIONS = A#4  for Building Self Esteem.

Table of Contents:
        1. Reader Feedback
        2. Topic: AFFILIATIONS: A #4 for Building your Self Esteem
        3. BOOKS & RESOURCES
        4. Recommended TASKS
        5.TELECLASSES and Local WORKSHOPS
        6. SUBSCRIPTION information

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READER FEEDBACK:
< Dear Laurie,
Your readers might like seeing the website for the Haul of Justice<see Issue # 32>). It's www.responsiblemonkey.com/haulofjustice There people can follow the superhero bike trip
across the country! Thanks so much for your support and keep those great newsletters coming!!!
Francine Hughes, the proud mother!>

<I really appreciate Reader responses; please send in any of your comments today! Thanks>

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 Topic: AFFILIATIONS = A #4 for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM

AFFFILIATION: n. 1. to bring into close association or connection. 2. to attach or unite on terms of fellowship. 3. to be intimately united in action or interest.

        Affiliations influence our self esteem more than any other of the 8 As of Self Esteem.
Right from birth we are impacted by our relationships..parent/child being the most significant. How we are treated by our mother..father..siblings..other family members...then our friends.. ..teachers.. coaches..colleagues...our community.. all shape our image of ourselves.   Harry Stack Sullivan, a well-known psychologist, says this shaping is based upon <reflected appraisals> from our significant others. When is our self esteem finally shaped? Some theorists say our self esteem is determined by age 3...others say age 7.  However, other psychologists contradict these theories: Carl Jung said that individuation begins at age 40;  Abraham Maslow states that self esteem is established over our lifetime through the respect and approval of others.

        Dr. Edward Hallowell, in his new book, CONNECT, says <To thrive, indeed just to survive, we need warmhearted contact with other people...Like a vitamin deficiency, a human contact deficiency weakens the body, the mind, the spirit.  Its ravages can be severe (depression, physical illness, early death) or they can be mild (underachievement, fatigue, loneliness)..
We need Vitatmin C.... C=Connection!

        Many research studies have shown the importance of our affiliations in developing our self esteem through our connections:
        *Social contact is found to be the single most important factor in longevity!
        *People-in-love were found to have reduced levels of lactic acid, had fewer colds and infections, were less tired and depressed.
        *Isolated people were found to have a death rate 2 to 4 times higher than others.
        *The death rate for widows is 10 times greater than the average person within the first
                year of their spouse's death; widows' illness rate is twelve times greater.
        *The top 5 stressors in the Holmes/Rahe Life Change Scale* are about relationships.
        *An insurance company   found that if wives kissed their husbands in the morning they had fewer car accidents and they lived 5 years longer!
        *A study on aging by the MacArthur Foundation (1998) showed that the two most powerful predictors of well-being in old age are (1) frequency of visits with friends and (2) frequency of attendance at meetings of organizations.

        It seems obvious that not only are our connections important for building our self esteem, they are important for our very survival!  The most dramatic example is the <infant marasmus> syndrome: during World War I, orphaned babies, who were left untouched in their cribs, actually died.  Other research has noted the <psychosocial dwarfism syndrome> where stunted growth was found in children who grew up in an unhealthy emotional atmosphere.

        We need affiliations that nurture us...that bring out our best so that we can continue to grow and build our positive self esteem.  Unfortunately it seems that we are missing our connections more than ever.  Hallowell points out the irony of our current culture: we have so many more ways to be connected with people...through email, instant messaging, cell phones, beepers..yet we are in a crisis of disconnection... human connection has declined!

        I definitely notice increasing isolation in my life as I work more and more on the phone and computer with my clients as their coach. I find I must be much more purposeful and proactive in creating human connections.   Whenever possible, I meet face-to-face with my clients periodically.
I schedule dates with my women friends on a regular basis and I honor and cherish these commitments; I have been in a women's support group which meets bi-monthly, for over 5 years;
I go to networking events that connect me to my professional colleagues; I lead in-person workshops and trainings in order to connect with groups of people; I travel regularly to spend time with my significant family members - my sons, granddaughters, mother, cousins... who live all over the country.   Ask yourself: what would you do if you had 6 months to live?  I know I would spend as much time as possible with the people I love most - that's how I know it is my connections that matter most to me.

        How connected are you? Do you have enough affiliations? Do your affiliations nurture you?
What can you do to be more connected...with individuals, groups...your community?  What more can you do to build your self esteem through your connections?
On the other hand, which of your connections take away your self esteem?  Which connections do you need to sever? to minimize?
        Listen to your answers..and take action today!

        Gloria Steinem, writing about self esteem, says <it is never too late for a happy childhood!>
Be a good parent to yourself and build your self esteem through your affiliations!

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Recommended BOOKS and RESOURCES:

REVOLUTION FROM WITHIN, by Gloria Steinem
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316812471/gearupforsuccela

CONNECT: 12 vital ties that open your heart, lengthen your life, and deepen your soul, by Edward Hallowell, M.D. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0375403574/gearupforsuccela

I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU MEAN: The Power of Friendship in Women's Lives, by Ellen Goodman and Patricia O'Brien. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0684842874/gearupforsuccela

And for or an excellent newsletter on relationships, go to www.whatittakes.com or contact Rinatta Paries, coach@whatittakes.com.

*THE HOLMES/RAHE LIFE CHANGE SCALE: A stress test that has you add up your points to determine your stress level and the likelihood of your getting sick based on your number of points.  For a copy of this well-known stress scale, email me.

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TASKS =

1. Look at your affiliations - notice which ones bring out the best in you...add value to your life.  Appreciate these relationships...tell them how much you appreciate having them in your life..find ways to nurture these connections.
Notice the relationships that drain your energy...the toxic connections...Find ways to avoid or eliminate these affiliations as soon as possible.

2. Ask yourself: If you had six months to live, what would you do with your time?

3. Find ways to be more connected to your community.

4.  Hire a coach or a therapist to support you in building affiliations that nurture you and in eliminating the affiliations that hurt you.

5. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter - especially for this
month's series on The 8 A+Actions for Building Self Esteem.

6. Call me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to support you in building your self esteem through your affiliations.  Voice: 617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

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TELECLASSES:
For teleclasses on building relationships, go to www.teleclass.com or www.teleclassinternational.com

For the following teleclasses:
4 one-hour private sessions - to be scheduled at your convenience - Fee: $300
for group teleclases: $99.

<LEARN the 8 A'S - A SYSTEM for BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM>

<LEARN the 3-STEP MODEL for TAKING RESPONSIBLE RISKS in order to
        GET UNSTUCK/MAKE BREAKTHROUGHS  to CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT>

<RESOLVING CONFLICTS> Learn and practice effective skills for managing and resolving conflicts in all your relationships..at work or at home.

<ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING>

For a more detailed description of my teleclasses go to www.ingearcoaching.com

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<UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
Boston Center for Adult Education
Monday, June 12, 2000; 6:30-9:30 p.m.
also Monday, July 24, 2000; 6:30-9:30p.m.

MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR Training: Beverly Hospital
Wednesday, June 14, 2000
private workshop - <individual interpretation and coaching sessions available>

ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Wednesday, June 7th from 6:30-9:30pm

TEAM-BUILDING & NETWORKING: Games and Inititatives for Learning
ICF Conference, Balance Program, Vancouver, BC
October 27, 2000
also at RANCHO LA PUERTA SPA, Tecate, Mexico
December 16-22, 2000

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Please  forward your copy of this email to anyone you think might
enjoy reading it.  I am trying to build my subscriber list to reach 500 by July 4, 2000. I appreciate your support. I just request that you keep the broadcast intact...nothing changed, added or deleted, including subscription information and my contact and copyright information. Thankyou

For back-issues of my weekly broadcast go to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com

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Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
Professional  Certified Coach

Register for my free weekly newsletter: Gear Up for Success!
or a free teleclass on Risk-Taking or Building Self Esteem.
at my website: http://www.ingearcoaching.com

Phone: (617)494-1422
Fax: (617)494-1786
Address: 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141
Graduate: Coach University http://www.coachu.com