Issue #76 - April, 7  2001 <<First Impressions>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC.
Coaching you to get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting
unstuck, finding balance, accelerating your growth, and mapping
the best route to your chosen destination: a life filled with
passion and purpose.

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In this issue:
 1. Welcome!
         2. Reader Feedback.
 3. Weekly Article:  <First Impressions..and Proper Etiquette.>
  <Top Ten Ways to Make a Good First Impression>
 4. Recommended Tasks
        5. Recommended Books
        6. Upcoming  Teleclasses  and local Workshops
        7. Subscription information
 

1. WELCOME!

Welcome to <Gear Up for Success!> and a warm welcome to all my new subscribers!  I really appreciate your forwarding my newsletter to all your friends and colleagues. I have over 500 subscribers. Your recommendations help me grow and develop as a coach. Anyone can subscribe by going to my website @ www.ingearcoaching.com.
Thank you so much for your support!
 

2. Reader Feedback:

<Laurie, Thank you so much for your newsletter on correct grammar. I am frequently hear obvious grammar mistakes.  This week I kept hearing a presenter use the reflexive pronoun, MYSELF, as a subject eg. <Patrick and myself have decided to.....> It was so hard not to correct him!  As you mentioned in your article, MYSELF is only to be used as an intensive/reflexive of ME eg <This is just between me and myself> <I, myself, plan to go alone>.I think I will send him a copy of your newsletter.  Thanks!> RR

<Laurie, you have made my day. Twenty times a day I hear people say things
like 'between him and I' or 'lay down here' and it really grates on me.
However, I want to keep my friends so I don't say anything! I had never
focused on the bring/take dichotomy - but I'll sure notice it now! Thanks
for putting this out there. I'm going to forward it to my whole contact
list.> Pam Hanson

<GREAT NEWSLETTER!
I'm going to bring it with me when I go to Chicago.
Just between you and I, I agree with you completely
that people use incorrect grammar. Gladys and me,
between the both of us, are pretty good with verbal
skills and such, especially now that she, to, is an
Ivy-leaguer.  Me and Sam are excellent too on
this subject, but look who we grew up with! Anyways,
studying your newsletter has made me exhausted. I'm
going to lay down for a while> DG
<note: can you spot the errors?>

<I'm so glad for you newsletter <on grammar> I attend a lot of board meetings and I constantly hear incorrect grammar usage! No one seems to notice!  And, when I use proper grammar - i.e. when I correctly use ME instead of I, I often think others think I am incorrect! This situation reflects the "dumbing down" of America.  Sadly our standards in schools have dropped drastically; students are no longer held accountable for their grammar errors.  When will we wake up to the inherent dangers of this problem?  I'm sure bad grammar negatively affects job interviews and performance reviews, customer sales, client & personal relationships, yet so few people seem to know it!  Thanks for helping shine a light on this problem> VOB

Comment from Laurie:  This week I watched a video presentation by the well-known author, psychologist, Wayne Dyer, who lectures extensively across the country.  I heard him make three glaring grammar errors in his talk!   eg. he said....<between you and I>...also  <I was laying down>  also <everyone of us have this choice> (what are the errors?)  It's amazing to me that someone who gives such frequent talks will continue to make these errors...and that his listeners/coaches don't give him the feedback he needs to correct these glaring mistakes..Maybe someone will forward him this feedback from me (meant kindly!)...
 

3.  Weekly Article:  <<First Impressions and Proper Etiquette>>

 First Impressions in both business and personal encounters can "make or break" a personal or professional relationship.  They say we make a judgment about someone in the first 4 minutes;  this judgment can take months to change!  Therefore it is important to pay attention to how we come across to people when we first meet them.  We have a lot of control over how we are perceived.  What factors contribute to our first impressions?
*clothing - is it appropriate for the occasion? stained? wrinkled? fitted? fashionable? color coordinated/matching?
*accessories (jewelry, stockings, scarves, ties, belts....or lack thereof)
*hair - teeth - makeup (or lack thereof)
*body language: eye contact, handshake/hug? smile? posture, use of physical space, smell...
*voice - tone, soft/loud
*grammar usage (see last week's newsletter)
*proper etiquette (especially knowing cultural differences)
*table manners
*workplace etiquette/personal etiquette
*behaviors: eg. being on time, keeping appointments, keeping promises, returning phone calls/emails
.......what else??

 Proper etiquette contributes significantly to first impressions.  Corporate executives all over the world are seeking expert guidance on matters of etiquette. Workshops on  proper manners, especially addressing cultural differences, are being taught to managers and employees; one-on-one coaching is also being provided.  Some companies have learned the hard way the importance of using professional etiquette; etiquette "faux pas" have cost them hundreds of dollars in business.  How people in a company behave may be as important as the product they are selling!  As our society becomes increasingly global, it becomes more and more important to have a uniform way of dealing with people.  Such issues as when to shake hands, when to sit or stand, who should pay the check, effective negotiation skills can be critical in establishing that important business contract.  Individuals need to be aware of the significance proper etiquette...table manners, as well as grammar usage...can have on their professional and personal lives.
 It's the little things that count!  People make judgments about behaviors such as tardiness, not responding to emails/phone calls in a timely fashion, not keeping promises.  We are establishing our reputation all the time, so let's establish the reputation we want.   I know I want people to perceive me to be dependable, trustworthy, friendly, respectful, thoughtful, intelligent.....How can I establish to this perception?

 <<Top Ten Ways to Make a Good First Impression>>

1. BODY LANGUAGE: Smile, make direct eye contact, stand up straight, have an open posture, respect other's space, be friendly and approachable.

2. LISTEN - listen - listen  to others.  People feel appreciated and valued and trusted when you really listen to them.

3. ADD VALUE: Bring flowers or a gift: send a gift or card later; pick up the tab, follow up a meeting with a phone call or a note, article or information related to the other's needs.

4. SAY THANK YOU!  Be Grateful; express your gratitude.  Show your appreciation: send a thank you note/letter/email, a small gift.

5. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES: Say a few words in their language (eg. hello...goodbye..thank you).  Mirror their cultural behaviors (eg. bow/curtsy or ?)  Know their unique etiquette "rules" - and follow them.

6. APPEARANCE: Clothing:  Wear clothing appropriate to the occasion; be clean, pressed, fitted, coordinated, stylish; use nice accessories;  hair: clean? styled or neat or ?;  makeup:appropriate? attractive?  be rested; be clean; be healthy: take care of your body, your teeth.....

7. TABLE MANNERS - know... and use!... proper table manners (especially cultural differences).

8. GRAMMAR -  Use proper grammar (see newsletter #75)

9. BUILD TRUST - Be on  time; keep your promises: always do what you say you'll do!; return phone calls/emails within 24 hours; don't gossip; honor confidences/respect confidentiality; be respectful; treat people as equals; be sensitive and genuinely caring, listen to them...
Stephen Covey says: <Trust or lack if it is at the root of success or failure in relationships and in the bottom-line results of business,industry, education, and government> Covey refers to building trust as if one were making deposits into a trust bank; it's important to keep making deposits...not withdrawals!

10. ACKNOWLEDGE:  People like to be appreciated...complimented... acknowledged; the more you do this, the better impression you will make!  Use a great skill: the Positive I-Message: tell the other how you feel about the behavior they demonstrated and how it affected you. eg. I really appreciated it when you called me back because I needed the information to complete my report on time>
 <The Positive I-Message Formula: When you _________I felt___________because ____________>

**copyright: all rights reserved: Laurie R. Geary, April, 2001
 
 

4. RECOMMENDED TASKS:

1.  Correct the paragraph above (in reader feedback) and send to me. Take last week's grammar test and send to me.

2. Check your Grammar: Ask for feedback!  Ask people who you think know proper grammar to listen to your grammar usage and give you constructive feedback.   Next time you are in a meeting ask people to give you feedback on your grammar usage. Be open to any feedback you get.
Check your Table Manners: Ask for feedback on your table manners; get coaching.

3. Read one of the books mentioned below - take a grammar test! learn proper table manners.

4. Attend a workshop/class on etiquette....grammar ...manners: check your local adult education institutes or audit a college course.

4. Call or email me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to help you work on creating the first impression you want to give; or for grammar coaching!
 Voice:617-494-1422;  email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com

5. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter to read
 more articles on taking risks, building self esteem, finding your passion...and much more
 

5. RECOMMENDED BOOKS:

<Wholehearted Success: Top Trainers, Consultants, & Speakers Share Tips, Tools & Ideas to Help You Enjoy Long Lasting Success! compiled by Doug Smart
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/096588936x/gearupforsuccela

<Contact: The First Four Minutes> by Leonard and Natalie Zunin
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0345336925/gearupforsuccela

<Emily Post's Etiquette: A Guide to Modern Manners> by Elizabeth Post
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0061816841/gearupforsuccela

<The Blue Book of Grammar & Punctuation> by Jane Straus
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0966722108/gearupforsuccela

<ActionGrammar: Fast, No Hassle Answers on Everyday Usage and Punctuation> by Joanne Feirman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0684807807/gearupforsuccela

AND....
**Check out my new booklet on experiential activities for trainers: 75 of my favorite activities
learned from years of working as an instructor for Outward Bound Professional Development Programs.
GAMES & INITIATIVES for NETWORKING, ENERGIZING, & TEAM-BUILDING...

 *Also... Hot off the Press! My new workbook:
RISK TO GROW! CREATE the LIFE YOU WANT through RESPONSIBLE RISK-TAKING...
a collection of articles, top tens, models, poems & quotes, and exercises on Risk-Taking....

Both now available...hard copy ($20) or pdf. file ($15)
Send check to Laurie Geary, 4 Canal Park, PH9, Cambridge, MA 02141; email request to: laurie@ingearcoaching.com or order at my website: www.ingearcoaching.com
 

6. UPCOMING TELECLASSES & LOCAL WORKSHOPS:

TELECLASS: Risk to Grow! Create the Life You Want through Responsible Risk-Taking.
Learn the 3-Step Risk-Taking Process. Identify Risking Motivators & Blocks, Resources and more.
 Tuesday, May 15th @ 9pm EST.

RISK-TAKING: THE PATH to PERSONAL GROWTH
*Boston Center for Adult Education - 6:30-9:30 pm.
Tuesday, April 10, 2001 and Thursday, June 7th,2001
also
*Acton-Boxborough Junior Women's Club
7:30-9pm, Monday, April 9th

ASSERTIVENESS TRAINING: Get Your Needs Met!
Homebased BusinessWomen's Network
Thursday, April 12 @ 7:30 pm
Village Green, Danvers, MA

BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
  6:30-9:30 pm; Tuesday, June 5, 2001
 

7. SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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