Gear up for Success!
GEAR UP FOR SUCCESS! "Tips, Techniques, and Tasks" - a weekly newsletter designed to support you in getting IN GEAR to create the life you want today.
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Issue #46 - August 21, 2000 <<Ask for What You Want...and Build Your Self Esteem with the 8-A System>>
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brought to you by Laurie Riddell Geary, M.Ed., PCC. Coaching you to
get your life IN GEAR by making shifts, getting unstuck, finding balance,
accelerating your growth, and mapping the best route to your chosen destination:
a life filled with passion and purpose.
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Table of Contents:
1. QUOTES on Asking
2. TOPIC: <<ASK for
What you Want...and Build Your Self Esteem>>.
3. Coaching Telegroup: <Build
Your Self Esteem with the 8-A System>
4. Recommended READING
5. Recommended TASKS
6. Upcoming Local WORKSHOPS
7. SUBSCRIPTION information
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Quotes:
<You've got to ask! Asking is, in my opinion, the world's most powerful
- and neglected - secret to success and happiness>
Percy Ross
<If you don't ask, you don't get> Ghandi
<Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not> Robert F. Kennedy
<Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and ye shall find; knock
and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh, receiveth;
and he that seeketh, findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.>
Matthew 7:7-8
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Topic:
<ASK for What You Want...and Build Your Self Esteem with the 8-A System>
copyright 2000, all rights reserved: Laurie R. Geary, M.Ed.
Many of us don't ask for what we want.... We don't know WHAT to ask for or we don't know HOW to ask or we don't know WHOM to ask or WHEN to ask. We are also often afraid to ask or we don't believe that our asking will be successful. Yet asking for what we want is really the only way we will get what we want; and asking for what we want definitely helps us build our self esteem.
The first step in learning to ask for what you want is to understand the importance of asking....to feel that we are worthy of asking and that our requests are valuable and significant. Then we can learn the skills we need to be successful ASKERS: exercises to help us identify our needs and wants, effective communication skills that teach us how to make effective requests, and methods to eliminate the barriers that keep us from asking successfully.
WHAT keeps us from Asking for what we want? What are our barriers to Asking?
1. Our Belief System:
*We believe that our needs come second...we rationalize that we are more
<mature> and can therefore do without. We are making an (erroneous)
assumption that our requests will deprive others of their needs, so we
don't interfere.
*We don't feel worthy to ask; we think our needs are not important.
*We believe that the other person will feel obligated to us if we make
a request of them.. that they can't say NO. This belief deprives
others of taking responsibility for their own behaviors! I want to
give others the choice to say NO...or YES...to me; I believe that by doing
this I am empowering them and that by NOT asking I am de-powering them
by assuming they are incapable of taking care of themselves.
2. Our Fears:
*Fear of Rejection: We are afraid if we ask, someone will say NO.
What is so hard about hearing NO? We take it personally...again it
is our belief system that NO means a rejection of US...we need to change
this belief: NO is simply NO to our request not to US as a person!
When I go to dances I wouldn't dance as much as I want to unless I ask
men to dance....and often they say NO thanks..I don't take it personally;
I just ask someone else and have fun dancing!
*Fear of Obligation: If I ask you for something then I'll be obligated
to your future requests. Yet why don't we trust that we can say No
when we need to? Each request is different and we can choose our
responses dependent upon our needs.
*Fear of Confrontation: If I ask for something from this person they will
yell at me. We never know what the response of the other will be,
but we need to trust that we are strong enough to handle any response.
This trust comes from our belief that our requests are worthwhile and necessary.
There are skills we can learn to deal with difficult people (see newsletter
issue #2 at my website: www.ingearcoachng.com)
*Fear of Abandonment: Women are taught that asking is aggressive...pushy...not
nice...and thus, if we ask, people will not want to be with us or
will leave us! This fear keeps many women from asking for what they
want...and thus living with less.
3. Our Pride:
*We believe that if we ask for something it means we are weak or inadequate....that
to be worthy we must be able to do anything and everything. <I
can handle it!> becomes our mantra. Men, especially, get stuck with
this mantra: not willing to ask for directions or for help. We need
to realize that none of us can do everything...or can know everything...and
that we asking for help is a strength not a weakness.
4. Our Ignorance: We don't know what to ask for! We don't know what's possible!
<One of the things that distinguishes successful people from others
is that they constantly ask for anything and everything they need....they
ask for directions, help, advice, money, time, forgiveness, referrals,
relationships, attention, hugs, information, instruction, coaching.....>
Jack Canfield.
What do you need to ask for? What blocks you from asking? Why
don't you ask? When will you ask? How will you ask?
HOW do we learn to ask for what we want?
1. The magic formula of all successful askers: SWSWSWSWSWSWSW! Some
Will, Some won't, So What!....and...Someone's Waiting!
J. Canfield
2. The "25 Bean Technique" of W. Clement Stone:
Clement's theory is that
it takes 25 requests to get a Yes..so take 25 beans and put one in a jar
each time you ask for something, knowing that each bean is getting you
closer to satisfying your request. Therefore each bean...each NO..is really
a success... You will get a YES on the 25th bean!
3. Ask Repeatedly: ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask,
ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask, ask...
Mark Victor Hansen
4. Change your Belief System:
*Believe that most people
want to give; people often feel good about granting a request.
*Believe that what you ask
for is special...valuable...essential...important..necessary.
*Believe that others can
take responsibility for themselves and can say NO to our requests.
5. Use the following formula to make a request:
When you (describe
their behavior)
I feel (my feeling)
and what I want is____________________
6. Ask yourself questions that help you clarify what you want:
*What do I need to ask for?
*What stops me from asking
for what I want?
*What is my purpose?
*What is my ideal life?
*What do I want in a relationship?
*If I could have anything
at all and money was no object, what would that be?
*Who do I need to ask?
*When do I need to ask?
*What do I need to learn
in order to ask for what I want?
7. Hire a coach to ask power questions that will change your life!
Asking for what you want is a powerful tool that helps you get what you want and need. It is a skill that can be learned with practice and patience. I hope you will begin to ask for more than you have today so that you continue to build your self esteem with another Awesome A!
**Most of the information in this newsletter comes from the book: The
Aladdin Factor by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hanson (see below)
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ANNOUNCING ***A COACHING TELEGROUP - to BUILD YOUR SELF ESTEEM using the 8-A SYSTEM***
This fall I am offering a
weekly group coaching teleclass to focus on <Building Your Self Esteem
through the Awesome 8-A System>
.Each session will focus on one of the 8 A's of Self Esteem Development*...a
unique, inspiring and practical process for positive change.
Topics to focus on:
*Developing your A+ Attributes to Attract what you want in your life.
*Becoming more Aware of your needs and wants.
*Being Accountable for your Actions
*Acknowledging and Accepting yourself and others using skills that
work.
*Becoming more Assertive: Asking for what you want; Avoiding what you
don't want;
Act now! Take Actions to Accelerate your growth...move forward faster
in your self esteem development and learn how to
Activate the 8 A's of Building Your Self Esteem.
*an e-Workbook on the 8-A System for Building Self Esteem provided.
*e-Handouts provided per session to supplement self esteem topics
*The telegroup format provides affordable coaching for the client who
chooses group coaching over individual coaching.
Telegroup limited to 8 participants.
Session Dates:
Free Introductory sessions: Thursday, Sept. 7 @ 9pm EST also Thursday,
November 2 @ 9pm EST
Take a self esteem assessment; get an overview of the 8 A's; determine
if the telegroup will support you in building your self esteem.
Phase 1: Thursdays @ 9pm EST - Sept 14 -21-27-October 4
Cost: $179
Phase 2: Thursdays @ 9pm EST - November 9-16-30-December 7
Cost: $179
Special price for both Phases: $300
please note: if these dates/times are inconvenient for you, contact Laurie to arrange a coaching telegroup for you and your colleagues/friends.
To Register: Go to www.teleclassinternational.com
For more information, contact Laurie Geary @ (617)494-1422 or email:
laurie@ingearcoaching.com
or see her website @www.ingearcoaching.com
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Recommended READING:
<THE ALADDIN FACTOR> by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/7183101300/gearupforsuccela
<IT'S YOURS FOR THE ASKING> by John H. Stoke
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0682400009/gearupforsuccela
<ASK FOR THE MOON - AND GET IT! The Secret of Getting What You Want
by Knowing How to Ask>
by Percy Ross
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0399131787/gearupforsuccela
<ASK YOUR ANGELS> by Alma Daniel
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN/0345363582/gearupforsuccela
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Recommended TASKS:
1. Register for the coaching telegroup and build your self esteem with the 8-A System
2. Read THE ALADDIN FACTOR! or one of the other great books mentioned above.
3. Go to my Website www.ingearcoaching.com for back issues of my newsletter related to building your self esteem.
4. Call me for a complimentary half-hour COACHING session to support
you in learning to ask for what you want!
Voice:617-494-1422; email: laurie@ingearcoaching.com
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<UPCOMING LOCAL WORKSHOPS>:
BE A PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL COACH
*Boston Center for Adult Education
Monday, September 18 - also, Monday, November 13, 2000 - 6:30-9:30
p.m.
also, Thursday, January 18, 2001
and
*Middlesex Community College
Saturday, September 23rd from 9-4 pm
and
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, September 27th from 9-3 pm
TEAM-BUILDING:
*Thompson Island Outward Bound Education Center
August 2...September 6th and 16th
and
*The Warren Conference Center...Northeastern University
August 30 & 31st.
RISK-TAKING: THE PATH to PERSONAL GROWTH
*North Shore Community College
Wednesday, October 4th from 9-3 pm
also
*BCAE - Monday, October 16 from 6:30-9:30 pm.
and Thursday, January 25, 2001.
BUILDING YOUR SELF ESTEEM with the 8 A+ SYSTEM
North Shore Community College
Wednesday, October 11th from 9-3 pm
ATTRACTING WHAT YOU WANT IN LIFE
*Middlesex Community College - Saturday, October 14th from 9 to 4 pm
TEAM-BUILDING:
*Thompson Island Outward Bound Education Center
September 6th and 16th
and
*The Warren Conference Center of Northeastern University
August 30 & 31st.
Games and Initiatives for Learning
*ICF Conference, Balance Program, Vancouver, BC
October 27, 2000
* RANCHO LA PUERTA SPA, Tecate, Mexico
December 16-22, 2000
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